Your Shadow in the Moonlight
by Elanor90
Summary: Alex and Marissa are together and happy – until Alex has an accident. Marissa thinks she is dead, but is she really? Will Alex and Marissa find a way to save their relationship even though fate seems to be against them? ...vampire story...
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Alex and Marissa are together and happy – until Alex has an accident. Marissa thinks she is dead, but is she really? Will Alex and Marissa find a way to save their relationship even though fate seems to be against them?

I guess you could see this fic as a kind of sequel to 'Is this our farewell', my other fanfic, although you don't really have to read it for this one to make sense… You just need to know that Alex and Marissa got back together after the whole bonfire thing.

**Genres:** fantasy/ romance/ angst/ friendship/ general

**Warnings:** mild violence/ self-harm (possibly later on)/ femslash

**Your Shadow in the Moonlight**

1

It was a rather chilly summer night in Orange County and Alex Kelly wrapped her thin jacket tighter around herself as a little breeze made her shudder. She was on her way home from work. There had been a concert that evening and it was well after half past one. After cleaning up and doing some minor paper work she had hurried to her jeep, eager to get home, but had found someone had slashed her tires. Sighing, she had started her way home on foot, sending out a silent thank-you that her apartment was only about a twenty-five minute foot marsh away. There was no one who could give her a lift, as all her colleagues were already gone and Marissa was likely to be asleep. It was the last week of school before the summer break and though there was nothing important going on in school anymore, Marissa had promised not to ditch.

As Alex was now walking down the dark road in silence –only interrupted by a car passing her from time to time –, she couldn't help but smile at the thought of her girlfriend. They had been together for almost four months now. Their relationship had grown strong and they hadn't had a really serious row since the bonfire incident.

Alex had always thought herself to be incapable of committing into a real relationship. The one or two times she had tried had never lasted all too long and had always ended in a fiasco – although this had not always necessarily been her fault.

But with Marissa it was different. Alex was willing to invest everything she had into their relationship and to work as hard as she could to solve any problems they might stumble across – an attitude that had not been present in her previous 'real' relations.

Alex wondered whether her girlfriend would be asleep when she'd arrive home. She imagined the brunette beauty laying in their bed with her incredible deep blue eyes closed, dreaming hopefully of a certain blonde. Alex smiled to herself, happy at the thought of being able to lay down next to Marissa in less than half an hour and to gently caress her face…

Alex was so deep in thought she hadn't notice a dark figure following her soundlessly. As the figure slowly approached her from behind, Alex felt chills running down her spine and spun around. She squinted into the darkness but there was no one in sight.

"Pull yourself together, Kelly," she murmured, continuing down her way.

She felt a cold breeze against her neck and then something cold and sharp pierced her soft flesh exposed beneath her pigtail. The pain went by as fast as it came, and she felt her neck become numb instead. But before she could even turn around to see what was happening, the numbness had spread throughout most of her body.

Alex felt herself beginning to panic and desperately tried to turn around, to at least turn her head, but her body had become completely paralyzed. She tried to kick with legs and arms, but only managed to quiver slightly. She tried to scream, but was unable to move her mouth.

_What was happening?_ She heard a breathing sound from directly next to her ear and realized that someone was doing this to her – _whatever this was_. Alex felt herself beginning to lose consciousness and realized she could do nothing about it. The last thing she saw was a pair of headlights in the distance– then the world dissolved in front of her eyes and everything turned black.

* * *

Marissa glanced down at her wristwatch, again. 01:27 a.m. _Where was she?_

Marissa was lying on their bed, reading a novel – or at least staring down at the words. She was unable to concentrate as she started to worry about her girlfriend. She was never out this long – at least not without Marissa. And if work occasionally required her to stay longer than till one o'clock, Alex always knew beforehand and told Marissa.

She knew Alex would be expecting her to be asleep, but she had planned on surprising her girlfriend with some wine and a few sweet kisses… But Marissa couldn't stand it any longer. She took out her cell and dialled Alex' number. A unfamiliar, yet familiar, voice told her _this number was currently unavailable_.

"What the…" Marissa murmured and jumped up. Now she was seriously worried. Alex never shut off her mobile, and even if it was off there should be her voicemail.

Marissa quickly grabbed a jacket and pulled it over her thin shirt. Once outside, she shivered with cold and damned the skirt she had put on to show off her long legs to Alex.

She got into her car and started driving in direction of the Bait Shop. She tried calling Alex again, but again only heard the same female voice.

Marissa was now sure something had happened. Ice-cold sweat ran down her back as she hoped, prayed that Alex was alright. Halfway to the Bait Shop she saw the site of an accident ahead. Marissa hit the brakes and jumped out of her car. She ignored the policemen trying to hold her back and ran to a lifeless figure lying on the ground.

Marissa stood there, panting, and looked down at the lifeless young woman directly in front of her. _No, this was not her. She is not dead, her blonde hair is not soaked with blood._

Then it hit her like a blow against her chest. It was Alex. Marissa felt as if the world stood still for a moment. She heard no other sound but her own breathing and the hammering of her heart against her chest. She slowly went down to her knees. She took one of Alex' hands in hers – it was stone cold.

Marissa felt dazed.

"Everything will be alright, baby. I'm here, Alex, come on, we have to go home…"

Marissa felt a hand on her shoulder and tried to shrug it off like an annoying fly. Realising that he would not get her attention this way, the policeman knelt down next to Marissa.

"Miss… I'm sorry… You knew this woman?"

Marissa noticed the man using the past tense and felt slightly annoyed. _Can't anyone get their grammar right these days?_

"Yes, I _know_ Alex Kelly. She's my girlfriend and we live together."

Marissa felt her head begin to throb madly, but still she didn't allow _those_ thoughts to form in her head.

"What happened?" she whispered suddenly.

"It seems she was murdered, miss. I'm sorry. She was most likely already dead when she hit the floor with her head."

Slowly the truth began to sink in and Marissa sank down over Alex in a dead faint as she began to understand what her subconsciousness had known all along: Alex was dead.

* * *

Marissa felt a pair of arms trying to lift her and she instinctively held on tighter to Alex' lifeless body.

"No… have to stay… Can't leave her…" Marissa mumbled. One policeman cautiously but firmly loosened Marissa's grip on Alex and another one gently pulled her back. The man slowly guided her to a police car. On the way they passed some more local police as well as some officers apparently from some criminal investigation service.

"…The FBI just called. They'll be taking over the investigations completely. Seems to be a serial murder case…"

"...Poor girl…"

"…Cases like this are awful. She was still so young…"

"…Let's get her off the road…"

Marissa heard all the voices around her but was incapable of really taking in any of their words. They reached the car and Marissa got into the back. She considered telling the officer that she had her own car, but then decided it would be too much of an effort. She chuckled._ Since when am I this lazy?_

"Hey, kid. Where can we take you? Home, to family?… Friends?"

Marissa nodded slowly. She mumbled the Cohen's address and suddenly her whole body began to shake as the fact began to sink in that Alex was gone for good… Not being able to stand the pain connected to that realization, Marissa passed out, again, on the backseat of the police car. A female police officer got in next to Marissa and buckled her seatbelt. She looked at the unconscious girl sympathetically; she knew what it was like to lose a beloved one.

They drove off to the Cohen's residence, while the rest of the police cleared the accident site. Some while later, all the police had gone and no one noticed a pair of red eyes gleam viciously, as a dark shadow hushed away into the darkness.

* * *

The following days passed in an unbearable slowness. Alex' parents came to the O.C. and the funeral was prepared. The police needed to keep Alex' body for some days for their investigations, so the funeral was scheduled for one week after that fateful Tuesday.

Marc Jackson, leader of a special FBI unit, had taken over the case. He was quite young for such a position, only in his early thirties, and sometimes he wished for a calmer life.

It was Thursday night, two days after the incident. He was alone in the dimly-light autopsy room and stared down at Alex' corpse lying on the table in front of him. This was one of the moments he longed to have chosen a different career. Teacher, maybe. He sighed and brushed a strand of his short black hair out of his face.

Though he heard no sound, he suddenly felt the presence of another person.

"Victoria?" he asked into the silence without turning around.

"I am here," came a soft whisper from behind him.

He shivered and finally turned to look at the woman who had spoken.

"Let's get this over with," he said, locking eyes with the young woman. "I really hope you know what you're doing."

The woman smiled gently. "I know what you're putting at stake. But I promise, no one will notice."

Together, they put Alex' body on a stretcher. Then they lifted a body bag onto the table and opened it to expose another young woman's body. Marc inhaled loudly.

"Impressed?" the woman asked, smirking.

Marc nodded silently. The dead girl on the table looked just like Alex Kelly.

The woman covered the stretcher holding the real Alex with a piece of cloth. Together they carried it to the woman's rental car parked in front of the building. They removed Alex from the stretcher and the woman placed her in the co-drivers seat and buckled her seat belt.

"God knows I have seen a lot, but this is just creepy," Marc muttered to himself.

The woman turned towards him.

"Thank you for your help. I swear no one saw us, I made sure of that. Don't worry about all this."

"That's easier said than done," Marc said dryly.

The young woman smiled and placed a quick kiss on his cheek before she got into her car and drove off.

Twenty minutes later she had parked the car somewhere off the road. She preferred to stay unnoticed.

She picked up the dead body from the co-driver's seat and carried it out and away into the darkness, soundlessly.

* * *

Another twenty minutes later, the woman arrived at a small motel. She opened the door to her room, at the same time still holding Alex against her body with her other hand. She laid the corpse back-down onto the bed and locked the door behind her. She turned on the lights and took off her black jacket. Then she pulled up a chair next to the bed and stared at the lifeless figure.

She sighed and softly brushed away Alex' hair to expose the icy skin of her neck. She bent forward and sank her pointed canine teeth into the soft flesh. Once the first drops of blood touched her lips, she had to will herself not to simply suck Alex empty.

A few moments later she drew back and walked over to the bathroom. After she had showered she went outside and sat down in front of her motel room door. She stared up at the almost full moon and sighed again. She still had quite a few long hours kill.

* * *

It was around five o'clock in the morning when it finally began.

The woman sat up straight in the chair, haven taken up that position again hours ago, and her eyes flashed with excitement.

She watched closely as little shudders ran through Alex' body. _Yes, it was time._

The shudders became stronger and Alex' eyelids began to flatter uncontrolled. She took one of the girl's hands in her own, wishing someone had been there to do the same for her, long ago.

Suddenly, Alex' body stopped moving again and she lay there, again completely still.

Then she opened her eyes.

* * *

Alex felt strange. _Where was she?_ She tried to remember… The Bait Shop. Slashed tires… A piercing pain in her neck. Numbness. Darkness…

She opened her eyes. For a few seconds she was too blinded to see anything, then she was able to make out a figure beside her.

"Marissa?" she croaked. How strange. Her voice felt as if she hadn't used it for weeks.

"No, but it's alright. Don't worry, you'll understand soon."

The voice was female… and completely unfamiliar. Hospital? shot through Alex' mind but she quickly excluded that possibility again. She was not in a hospital room… This looked more like a bedroom furnished by someone with a pretty bad taste. Was she in a hotel?

_Oh, God, where am I?_ she thought desperately, not sure if she really wanted an answer to that question.

"Yes, you are in a motel room. But don't worry, I do not want to harm you. I will explain everything."

Alex sat up and moved backwards until she was leaning against the wall behind the bed. She didn't know how to place this situation and fear ran through her body – fear of the unknown. Alex felt terribly cold and although she was scared, she suddenly realised that her heart was not hammering wildly like expected in such situations. Alex put her hand to her chest. As a matter of fact, she was feeling no heart beat at all. _I'm just too nervous to feel my pulse, that's all._

"What happened to me?" she whispered, her voice still not fully functioning. Memory flashes of pain and darkness hit her. Darkness.

"Am I dead?"

"What do you think?" the woman asked, sounding truly interested.

"No… I don't think I would be in an ugly motel room if I was dead," Alex said slowly, "I'm not sure if there is a life after death, but I'm quite sure this is not it."

"And you're quite right. You are not dead."

Alex rubbed her cold arms. "Yeah, well, I don't feel all too alive at the moment, though", she mumbled, rather to herself.

"Ah, well, I never said you were alive. I merely said you weren't dead." The woman sighed deeply. "You'll soon learn to appreciate that little difference."

Alex' head began to spin and she felt sick. What was going on here? She had been scared, at first, that this woman could harm her. Now she was afraid of something entirely different, although she couldn't even quite pinpoint what it was. _'I never said you were alive…'_

"Don't be afraid, kid. You'll be okay."

"Who are you?" Alex demanded, suddenly angry. Who did this woman think she was, constantly telling her everything would be okay, when all just seemed wrong.

The woman smiled and reached out her right hand. "I am Victoria."

"Alex," the blonde said, slightly irritated by the gesture, but taking the offered hand to shake it anyway. Victoria's hand was just as cold as her own.

Alex looked down at the palm of her hand, the place her skin had just touched Victoria's. Maybe she had asked to wrong question.

"What are you?" she whispered. She was not sure what had made her ask exactly those words, but she somehow knew that not the woman's name, but the answer to this question, was what mattered.

Victoria smiled again, though her eyes were full of sadness. "I… am a vampire."

* * *

A/N: The first few chapters will be rather Alex-centered… There probably won't be too much of Marissa there. But she'll be back, of course.

Hope you liked it… let me know what you think! : )


	2. Chapter 2

2

Alex stared at Victoria, lost for words. She searched the other woman's face, but found nothing that would suggest this was all just a joke.

Alex swallowed hard. She had stopped believing in ghost stories a long time ago. This could not be real… _There were no vampires._

Victoria nodded, as if she had heard Alex' thoughts and silently agreed.

"You don't believe me, do you? I know how you feel. A long time ago, I was in a situation similar to yours… and yet entirely different. I did not believe in fairytales. But unlike in your case there was no one trying to convince me of the opposite. For me, there was no denying."

Victoria shot Alex a piercing glance.

"Would you like me to tell you my story?"

Alex shivered. _God, how was it that she had landed herself in such a situation?_

There, next to the cheap hotel bed she herself was sitting on, sat a woman with hands colder than stone who called herself a vampire. And a beautiful woman she was, Alex suddenly noticed. Victoria was seemingly deep in thought, staring into space, and Alex took the opportunity to muster her. Victoria was middle-sized: larger than Alex but probably smaller than Marissa. She had long red-brown hair and pitch-black eyes. Her nose was small and her full red lips stood out against her pale, almost white, skin. She was wearing a pair of dark jeans, black jump boots and a plain black T-shirt. She looked young – she seemed to be no older than in her mid-twenties, at the most.

_Yes, she is beautiful_, Alex thought. She was perfect, complete, and yet something seemed terribly wrong… Alex shivered again and Victoria turned her head back to her and threw her a questioning glance.

Alex nodded slowly. "Yes…I'd like to- to hear your story."

"My story…" Victoria began thoughtfully, "begins a long time ago, in Italy, my homeland. I grew up in strictly catholic family in a little town, not too far away from Florence. My father was a farmer. We had a small piece of land, grew our own crops and held cows and pigs. My two older brothers and I helped our parents from practically the time we could walk. None of us ever attended school, we could not afford it, not even for one child. It was clear that my brothers would once inherit the farm, and that I would marry and most likely become another farmer's wife.

"I always dreamed that one day a young man would come along, and we would fall in love and move far away, maybe into a city… I did love my family in a way, but my father was a harsh man and though I was used to nothing else but the hard life of a farmer, my heart always longed for something more… The prince of my dreams, of course, never came. I was lucky that my father, may he have been strict in all other matters, did not force me to marry at young age. I was eighteen when he started to push things ahead. It was the end of winter and he wanted me to be married at latest by summer. We had discussions about that matter almost every evening, he suggested some farmer's son to me, and wanted to know exactly why I did not approve.

"But then, one day, our minds were occupied by more important things as rumors of some kind of beast, killing the cattle of farmers all around our side of the country, came to our ears. It was said that there were also humans found dead from time to time, and all people of our town came together to set up a guards in the night.

"One dark and windy night, I sat at the window of my room, as I had done ever so often, dreaming of a life I knew I would never have. Suddenly I heard the howling of a dog and I squinted out into the darkness to see our baby German Shepard shivering in the soft rain."

Victoria sighed deeply and shot Alex a quick glance before leaning back her head and closing her eyes.

"You may say I was stupid and naive, and you'd probably be right. Very much unlike my father and brothers I had always had a heart for all living creatures, and apart from maybe my mother our dogs had always been the only creatures I had loved and found that they loved me back, equally.

"So, I put on my boots and my jacket and left the house as quietly as I could. All of my family was asleep, except for my oldest brother who was on guard that night. So, I went out into the night and followed the howling of our dog. I found him not far from the place I had seen from out my window. I picked him up and quickly covered him with my jacket, rubbing him softly to keep him warm. I was about to go back into the house, when the wind turned and soft voiced reached my ears. They came from a little abandoned cottage behind some trees. I was curious as I knew that my brothers sometimes met there with other village boys, and slowly crept closer, until I was able to peek through a window.

"What I saw surprised me. There were not the young men I had expected but a little group of complete strangers. I counted four people, most likely two men and two women, though it was hard to tell in the dim light. Then one of the men stepped forward into the light and I almost let the puppy fall with shock. The man's face and clothing was covered with blood, and it took me less than a second to understand that it was not his own. I realised that there was no mysterious beast killing men and cattle after all, but that this people had to be the murderers.

"I tried to understand what they were saying, but the howling of the wind made it impossible for me to take in more than a few single words.

"The wind turned again and I stopped hearing the hushed voices. I felt chills all over my body and thought it was high time for me to go home as quickly as I could. But before I had even begun to move, one of the men was suddenly in front of me. He had glowing red eyes and his dark clothes were bloody, though he was not the man I had gotten a clear view of earlier. For one moment I stood there, unmoving, thinking I was standing in front of the devil himself.

"Then I turned and started running off into the forest. Maybe I should have tried for our house instead, but that would have meant running past him. I ran and ran, not daring to look back. After what seemed like hours to me I slowed down, I had used all my strength. I saw no one behind me, so I came to a halt, panting. I turned around and looked directly into my pursuers face. My heart nearly stopped. Before I could do anything, he had sunk his dirty fangs into my neck. I was shocked – in more than one way. I had expected him to stab me with a knife, maybe to rape me, but not his. I wanted to shove and kick him away, but found I could not move. I felt my body become numb, the only thing I now felt was a throbbing pain in my neck. The pain became worse every second as he was sucking the life out of me.

"It seemed to take endlessly long, though I know today it could not have been longer than maybe two minutes. Suddenly, he let go of me, and I dropped the ground, barely conscious. He seemed to listen to something, then he looked down at me with a last longing glance. Why he ran away and left me there only half-dead, I do not know for sure. But from the things I found out later, another of his fellow vampires –for that was what they were, of course – had aroused the villagers' attention and he had to join his companions to flee. Apparently they hadn't wanted to risk fighting a whole armed village – the men on guard had struck a bell to wake everyone. I heard the sound – it was the last thing I took in before darkness overcame me.

"The vampires fled and the villagers found that two of their people had been killed and one was missing. They never found me.

"When I awoke sometime later, I soon came to understand that I was neither dead nor alive. My heart had stopped beating and I was terribly cold. I felt weak and I was thirsty. Thirsty not for water – but for blood. The first time I realized that was one of the worst moments in my life. A rabbit crossed my path and I simply grabbed it and sank my teeth into the poor being, sucking until it was drained of all blood. After my 'meal' I felt sick and disgusted at myself, but in some diabolic way I also felt satisfied.

"The next weeks and months were terrible. I had no one to teach me how to cope with my new situation, so I had to learn everything by myself.

"The years passed and I began to accept me for what I was – a bloodsucking monster. But unlike my creator, so to speak, and his companions, I decided never to lay hands on another human. Still, I could never return home. I don't know what my family would have done – maybe they would have tried to kill me, thinking I was a demon. I stayed close to my village, nevertheless, and checked up on my family. It pained me to be near them and not being able to talk to them, to touch them.

"More and more years passed, and eventually my parents died and my brothers became old. They had families of their own, and I longed so badly to be part of it, to have one of my own. The attitude towards marrying I had when I was younger suddenly seemed endlessly foolish to me. I had gotten my wish: I would never have to marry some farmer. I would never marry at all.

"Years after my 'death' I finally decided to leave for good. It was too painful to stay and watch everyone I once knew die, knowing I would live on forever.

"Centuries have passed since then… The world I knew as a child doesn't exist anymore. At some point in my life I started hunting other vampires, vampires that kill humans. I feel pity for everyone of my kind, for none of us chose to become what we are. But what we can choose is whether to 'live' our lives as monsters or not… And those that choose to follow in the footsteps of their creators, well, I feel it is my job to hunt them down and kill them once and for all."

Victoria sighed deeply and then fell silent.

Alex shivered and rubbed her arms, trying to get rid of the goose bumps that had erupted all over her body. Her head was spinning and she felt sick. _What the hell was she supposed to make of this all?_

"Why are you telling me all this?" Alex asked quietly.

Victoria gave her a scrutinizing glance. "I fear you know why."

Alex stood up quickly and backed off as far away from the red-haired woman as possible.

"No…"

"I am sorry, Alex…"

"No…"

There was compassion all over Victoria's face now. "I will help you. This is not the end of the world…"

"No…" Alex said again, her voice steadily rising.

"Alex, please, listen to me –"

"NO!" Alex yelled. "I don't want to hear it! I am not a _vampire_!"

Victoria's beautiful face was still full of sympathy, and at that moment Alex wanted nothing more but to plant her fist on that perfect nose, as hard as she could.

All her fear had now turned into rage and she stood there, shaking with anger, waiting for Victoria to respond. _If she says another word now, I will punch her,_ Alex thought. But the woman kept silent.

"I'm gone!" Alex said and walked around the bed, up to the door. She grabbed the handle – but the door didn't open.

"Let me out," Alex hissed, turning back to Victoria.

"No."

"Let. Me. Out," Alex repeated her voice rising again. She clenched her hands into fists, making her knuckles become white.

"Not before we have finished our talk."

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK!" Alex screamed and leaped forward. She tried to hit Victoria but felt the woman grab her wrists. Alex tried to free herself with all her might, but Victoria held on to her with incredible strength and Alex soon felt herself weaken.

Suddenly all her resistance evaporated and she would have fallen to the floor, had Victoria not caught her and led her to the bed in time. Alex sat down and wrapped her arms around herself tightly. She felt lost. Incredibly alone and lost.

"What do I do now?" she asked quietly. She swallowed hard and then looked at Victoria, who had kneeled down before her.

"You are not alone, Alex. I will help you," Victoria said, cautiously placing one of her hands on Alex' knee.

Alex shivered again. "I- I don't know what just happened. I- I wanted to _kill_ you," Alex whispered.

"It's alright. It's not unusual for a young… one… to be rather aggressive. It will pass."

Alex nodded slowly. She breathed in and out a few times and tried to get her thoughts in order. The idea of being a vampire still seemed incredibly absurd to her, and yet there was a nagging voice in her head telling her it was the truth.

"I think I am ready to know now… what happened to me? It wasn't you, was it, that _bit_ me?" Alex tried to keep calm, but at the thought that Victoria might be responsible for this all this crap…

"No!" Victoria said quickly. "No, it wasn't me."

Alex nodded, relieved, and Victoria got up to sit down on her chair again, facing Alex.

"The man – the vampire – that bit you calls himself Darian. I've been hunting him for quite some time now, unfortunately without success."

Victoria sighed deeply before continuing. "It is the third time now that I nearly got him. The first two times he managed to kill his victims before I located him… And this time I, again, came too late… He had already bitten you, but you were not yet dead. He didn't have the time to suck out all your blood. The venom he had injected into you body through his fangs was enough to paralyse you for several days, but not enough to turn you into a vampire. Had I done nothing you would have probably died within a week. There was no possibility for me to keep you alive in the human sense. You had lost way too much blood and there was way too much venom in your system. So I did the only thing I could do for you: I bit you again, injecting more of the venom into your body. And here you are now."

Alex swallowed hard. "How- how long ago…?"

"You've been officially dead for a little over two days now."

Alex tried to feel her pulse again, but she was sure now. There was no heartbeat, and there was no point in trying to deny that.

"What about… my friends and family?" Alex asked slowly. _What about Marissa?_

"Well…your funeral is in five days. I've got everything figured out because of that, don't worry. There's another corpse to take your place, one that was arranged to look just like you... But that's not what you wanted to know… Your parents have come here, to the O.C."

"So… everyone thinks I'm dead?"

"Yes, they think you were murdered. One of your friends even saw you at the accident site…"

"Oh God… not Marissa?"

"Yes, Marissa, that was her name. I tried to find out as much as possible. Apparently, she drove out in the night to look for you… You must have meant a lot to each other. I am so sorry."

Alex' face was frozen. "We lived together. She is... was my girlfriend. I love her."

Alex stood up slowly and went into the bathroom. She switched on the light and stared into the large mirror over the sink. A young, pale-faced blonde woman with dark shadows under her eyes stared back at her. No, this wasn't her. Alex was just a normal teenaged, almost grown-up girl, with a steady relationship and great plans for her future. All she wanted was to go home, lay down next to Marissa, sleep and then wake up to find it was all a dream – nothing more than a nightmare.

Alex could no longer stand her own reflection and before she could think twice about it, she had smashed the mirror with her right fist. Shards of glass scattered into the sink and she stared down at her hand, breathing hard. There was a deep cut at he wrist, but instead of the huge amounts of blood that should have been flowing down her arm, Alex saw only a single crimson drop.

Alex let her head hang and covered it with her arms. So it was official now. Blood was no longer flowing through her veins. She was a monster. _She was a vampire._

* * *

A/N: I began writing this fic during my spring break… I was in Italy, so that kind of inspired me to chose Tuscany as Victoria's home… xD I've got a lot to do for school at the moment, but I'll try to update as soon as possible! And thanks for the reviews… they're really encouraging! : )


	3. Chapter 3

3

Alex felt a stinging pain in her upper teeth. She clasped her hand over her mouth, putting pressure to the hurting teeth, and opened her eyes. She was still in the motel room, lying on the bed again. After a few moments the pain subsided and Alex cautiously ran a finger across her teeth, trying to figure out where it had come from. Here canines seemed larger and pointed… Alex groaned. She'd had enough of this vampire shit.

She got up and went into the bathroom. A large part of the mirror was missing, but someone had cleaned up the shards. Alex avoided looking at her reflection – she could imagine only too well how awful she was looking. She looked down at her wrist where she had cut herself earlier – there was only a thin scar visible now. She stepped into the shower and turned on the hot water.

She stayed like that, letting the hot water warm her cold skin, for a long time and when she finally got out of the shower she felt somewhat more alive again.

Alex found clothing on the bed, including a pair of jeans and a shirt, that wasn't her own, but that Victoria had probably left there for her.

After putting on the clothes she went to the door. She was half-expecting to be locked in again, but was surprised to find she could step outside unhindered. It was early in the night and the sun had already set. She looked around and found Victoria sitting on a bench a few meters to her right.

Alex stood there for a few moments, not sure what she was supposed to do.

"Hey," Victoria said, standing up and turning to face Alex. "You alright?"

Alex just nodded.

"I see you found the clothes."

"Yes. Thanks."

"Are you… hungry?" Victoria asked carefully.

Alex just stared at her. _This was sick._

"No. I'm fine."

"Alex, it's alright. You don't have to feed on humans… Actually, you had better not! That's exactly why I hunt other vampires… Were you a vegetarian?"

"No."

"Good, that makes it easier. Come on, my car is parked a few minutes away. We'll drive a bit out of Newport and find a quiet spot were we can… find you something to feed on."

"No, really, I'm fine!" Alex said quickly. She was hungry, or rather thirsty, but the thought of sucking blood out of another living creature was entirely repulsive to her.

"Look, I know it's hard, but you'll get used to it. Do you want to make Darian pay, to give him what he deserves?"

Alex looked at Victoria, surprised. "I thought he was impossible to catch?"

Victoria smiled a devilish smile. "I never said that. I'm sure we'll manage – together."

The more Alex thought about it, the more the idea appealed to her. She felt anger building up inside her again at the thought of her 'creator'. She slowly breathed in and out a few times, until she felt herself calm down.

"Yes, I want to help you to get rid of him," she said slowly. "Once and for all. At least that gives me a new goal in life… Or non-life… whatever."

"That is good. But that will, of course, have to wait a while. The first thing we have to do now is to go hunting. You'll get used to it, I promise."

"Can't I just continue eating normal food," Alex asked desperately, although the thought of eating pizza or even a salad seemed strangely sickening to her.

"You can try if you want. But you'd probably through up," Victoria stated dryly, confirming Alex' fear.

So, with the thought of revenge in mind, Alex gave in and followed Victoria to her car.

* * *

That night Victoria taught Alex how to hunt and to feed on animals. Though Alex was still disgusted at herself, she could not deny that the taste of blood on her lips was more than satisfying.

They spent the next days in another motel, outside Newport. Victoria told Alex everything she needed to know about being a vampire.

Alex learned that it was enough if she went hunting on animals once in a few days or even a week. She was told – and experienced it herself – that sunlight was not harmful to her, unlike in many myths about vampires.

Victoria also told her the whole story of Alex' 'death'. Darian had hunted her and bit her, but had apparently been disturbed by an approaching car. The driver, a witness in the case, had later told the police that he saw a man holding a lifeless girl in his arms and stopped the car. As soon as he had stepped out of his vehicle, Darian had let Alex fall to the floor. Apparently, Darian had then taken Alex' mobile and smashed it, and it was at that point that the witness became aware that he was in accurate danger. But before Darian did anything else, he must have sensed Victoria coming closer and shortly before she arrived he had run off. The witness had called 911 and Victoria had tried to follow Darian – without success, of course. What happened after that was left somewhat vague by Victoria. She didn't explain to Alex how she had managed to put another corpse in Alex' place, and Alex didn't ask.

"I can feel the presences of others of our kind," Victoria explained one night. "The thirstier they are and the more murderous they feel, the stronger I can sense them. And of course also the geographical distance plays a role. That is how I usually track them down. I feel their presence shortly before they attempt to kill their victims. Sometimes I succeed in saving their victim's lives; sometimes I come to late… I did not have this special talent immediately. It was only over the many years that it slowly became stronger… I don't know if it is common among our kind. The feeling is also stronger if I have sensed that specific vampire before. It won't be all too hard for me to locate Darian again – although it may take a while –, the only difficulty lies in catching him."

"What do you do when you catch a vampire? How do you kill them?"

Victoria looked deep into Alex' eyes. "I trust you, so I will answer your question. But first, answer one of mine. Will you swear never to feed on humans and to only kill those vampires that are murderers?"

"I swear," Alex said without hesitating. She didn't even want to _imagine_ herself drinking human blood.

"Here, look at this dagger. It's blade is partly of iron and partly of wood. The iron makes sure the knife finds its way to the vampire's heart – the wood frees its soul. That's what I believe, at least. I don't know why the wood is really necessary, but it is. My theory is that our souls are kept prison in our dead bodies and they can only be freed by a piece of wood piercing our heart."

Alex shivered. "And nothing else can really harm us, can kill us?"

Victoria shook her head. "Nothing. All other wounds heal."

They were sitting in their motel room as ever so often, not wanting to risk bumping into anyone Alex knew. Alex thought about everything Victoria had just told her. Was this how she would spend the rest of her existence? Hunting down and killing vampires? Though she had grown fond of Victoria in the last days, she suddenly felt extremely alone.

"Can I ask you something, Vic?" she asked quietly and looked up the meet the other woman's eyes. "Don't you ever feel lonely?"

Victoria saw the desperation in Alex' eyes and smiled sadly.

"I do," she said simply.

Alex let her shoulders hang in defeat. "I miss her so badly. But what can I do? I couldn't ever expect her to love a monster…"

Victoria took Alex' hand and squeezed it gently. "You could tell her everything, tell her the truth. From what you told me, she seems trustworthy enough."

Alex shook her head. "No… Even if she wasn't disgusted by me, I don't want her to give up her life for me. She deserves something better than a vampire."

Victoria nodded slowly. "Yes… I know how you feel. I understand how you think. But maybe you would not only do yourself, but also do her a favour by telling her the truth…"

"No," Alex said again. "No. She has been through so much already… She really deserves better. I want her to remember me how I used to be. I don't want her to see me as a monster."

Alex turned her head away from Victoria, trying to hide the fact she was almost crying.

"She- she'll get over me," Alex continued. "Maybe she'll find a nice guy. And then she'll have the family she always dreamed of. She'll have children of her own…"

Alex felt tears burning in her eyes, but she didn't allow herself to shed them.

"Alex…"

"I wonder if she misses me as much as I miss her…"

"I am sure she does…"

They sat next to each in other in silence for a few minutes. The thought of living on for ever without being with Marissa was devastating for Alex. For the last few days, she had tried not to think of that problem, but now that she had finally decided not to show herself to Marissa, she still felt strangely torn. On the one hand she felt as if something had broken inside her, as if a part of her had died, but on the other hand she felt as if an invisible weight had been taken from her shoulders. Alex knew that this was the right thing to do. Surely, Marissa would be sad about having lost her for some time. But she would be alright, eventually, and on the long run she would be happier this way. She would be able to lead a normal life.

Alex suddenly noticed Victoria was still holding her hand and she squeezed it gently before letting go.

"Thanks," she said, looking at Victoria who smiled at her.

"Of course."

Alex looked out of the window. They had chosen a motel room on the second floor, so that there was no need to put down the blinds. It was completely dark outside and it took Alex a moment to realize that it was raining softly. _What a strange summer_… Alex thought.

"Wait a moment," Alex said turning back to Victoria. "What day is today?"

"It's Tuesday…"

Alex swallowed hard. "The day of my funeral. So, by now I'm officially buried," she said dryly.

She stood up. "I need to go."

"Alex, wait…"

"What? Are you gonna try to stop me?" Alex demanded her voice becoming an angry hiss.

Victoria stood up as well and took something out of her pocket.

"Here, take the car," she said softly, handing Alex the keys.

"I-I…"

"It's alright. I understand."

"Thank you," Alex said quietly. Her anger had gone as fast as it had come.

"Oh, and here, I almost forgot," Victoria added hastily, as Alex headed for the door. "I got you a new mobile… Just in case. My number's already in."

Alex put the mobile in her pocket, nodded a good-bye to Victoria and left.

* * *

Alex parked the car close to the graveyard. She was dressed all in black and was practically invisible in the starless night. She wandered passed countless tombstones, appreciating the complete silence. At some point she saw a wooden cross ahead, indicating a fresh grave, and somehow she immediately knew it was her own. Kneeling before the grave was a person… Alex' heart beat would have increased madly, had her heart not stopped beating for ever a week ago. She crept closer until she was as near as she could risk without being seen. So there she stood, in the shadow of a large tree, watching from behind as the girl she loved mourned at her grave.

An eternity seemed to have passed when Marissa suddenly stood up. She looked up at the sky and Alex could see the soft rain running over her face.

Then the wind suddenly carried Marissa's voice over to Alex, making the latter shudder involuntarily.

"Alex," she heard Marissa whisper. "I will always love you. I know you can hear me – I can feel your presence."

Then Marissa turned away from the grave and walked away, leaving the graveyard in complete silence again.

Alex stepped forward slowly and looked down at her grave. She ran a finger over her name engraved in the wooden cross.

"Yes, I can hear you," she whispered into the wind, the tears running down her cheeks mixing with the rain drops on her face.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all again for reviewing! You guys rock! : ) I've got no school today… So I'll continue writing! :D


	4. Chapter 4

4

Marissa spent the first week after Alex' death at the Cohens. There were times when she would just sit around and keep silent for hours, unmoving as if she was dead herself. Then, sometimes, she would suddenly keep talking and talking, about everything and anything, until she would fall quiet all of a sudden and start crying. There was always at least one person there to look after her, be it Summer, another friend or even her mother.

The day of the funeral came. Everyone had been worried that Marissa might collapse during the ceremony. But Marissa was strangely calm. It all felt like a dream to her and she sleep-walked through the burial and funeral feast. She went home with the Cohens afterwards and everyone went to bed early, exhausted from the day's events. Marissa laid down on the bed of the guest room, but instead of falling asleep, she was suddenly wide awake. Slowly it began to dawn on her that Alex had just been buried.

It was like a déjà vu. The last time she had stayed in this room she had thought she had lost Alex forever. But they had made up and she had moved back into their little house. But now Alex was gone. Gone for good. Forever.

Marissa got up and left the house quietly. _She needed to be with her. Now._

* * *

Marissa stood in front of the wooden cross marking Alex' grave. She realized that she hadn't really taken much in during the burial earlier. She now read the words on the cross for the first time, repeating them again and again in her head. _Here lies Alex Kelly. Alex Kelly. Alex_…

The image of Alex, lying in a coffin, being lowered into the earth, exactly at this spot, was stuck in her head. Marissa tried to remember Alex the way she used to be, but only the picture of Alex' coffin filled her mind.

Marissa suddenly felt an unstoppable urge to be near to Alex and she kneeled down on the fresh, soft earth in front of the grave. She pushed away some of the many flowers that had been put here earlier by Alex' relatives and friends, and dug her fingers into the dark brown soil, trying to _feel her_, to feel anything but emptiness. She bent forward and rested her right cheek on the grave. The smell of humid earth filled her nose and she felt dirt beneath her fingernails. She closed her eyes and slowly memories of Alex filled her mind. She saw Alex, laughing happily, pushing back a strand of blonde hair. She inhaled deeply and smelled Alex all around her. Suddenly, Marissa felt safe. If she opened her eyes now, she would find Alex lying next to her in their bed. They would awake together, smile at each other.

Tears slowly streaked down Marissa's cheeks, but she didn't even notice it, nor did she notice the soft rain that had begun to fall.

* * *

When Marissa opened her eyes again, all she saw at first was darkness. She smiled softly, as the remainders of a beautiful dream flowed through her mind. It took her a few more peaceful moments, before she remembered where she was. The smile faded from her face and she slowly lifted her head and body until she was in a kneeling position. She brushed earth off her face and looked at the grave in front of her. She felt terribly alone. _Where are you?_

Memory flashes of her waiting for Alex… waiting, waiting, but Alex never coming home. _Why didn't you come home, why?_ She imagined the situation how it should have been. Alex coming home from work, entering their bedroom, finding Marissa awake, a smile spreading on her lips, soon turning into a mischievous smirk…

Marissa stood up and leaned back her head. She felt the soft rain wash away earth and tears, and suddenly she _felt_ her.

"Alex," she whispered. The sound of her own throaty voice vocalizing Alex' name sent chills down her spine. "I will always love you. I know you can hear me – I can feel your presence."

She swallowed hard and looked down at the grave one last time. Some of the flowers were already beginning to wilt, though they had been put here mere hours ago. _How ironical,_ Marissa thought. _You kill flowers to honour someone dead. Death in return for death._

She turned away and walked towards the exit of the graveyard, not looking right or left._ I wish I was one of those flowers…_

Marissa went home to the Cohens, this time falling asleep almost immediately. The feeling of Alex' presence lasted for hours and followed her into her dreams.

The next morning she wondered whether she had really been at the graveyard that night. She decided it had probably only been a dream, until she looked into a mirror in the bathroom and saw little remainders of dark earth all over her face. She felt goose bumps all over her body as she remembered the feeling of Alex' presence. The feeling was equally scary – and simply beautiful and comforting_. Had she met Alex' ghost last night?_

That day, Marissa announced that she would move back into her and Alex' apartment. The sensation of peace and comfort left her again soon, and she hoped she might be able to feel Alex' presence again, there. Though her friends and family were not happy about it, she went back _home_ the same day.

It was in the early afternoon when Marissa had gathered her few belongings she had taken to the Cohen's and went downstairs to leave.

She was halfway down the stairs when she saw her mother sitting in the living room with Kirsten. On seeing her daughter, Julie immediately stood up and rushed forward to meet her.

"Hey, honey," she said, her voice full of concern. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Marissa lied, trying to sound cheery, but failing miserably.

Julie pulled her daughter into a hug and though something inside Marissa was screaming for her to let go, she didn't move. _At least it makes one of us feel better_, Marissa thought after Julie had let her go with a little smile on her face.

"You know, honey, you don't have to live alone. You can come and live with me – or stay here. You're welcome to stay…right Kirsten?" Julie shot a glance at Kirsten who smiled warmly at Marissa.

"Of course you are," she said gently. "I think I have said this before, but the guest room is all yours as long as you wish to stay."

"Thank you… both," Marissa said emotionlessly, looking from her mother to Kirsten. "I appreciate that… I really do. But I'm fine, and I want to go home." Marissa's voice faltered slightly at the last words, but she cleared her throat and shot the two older women a determined glance.

"I really don't know if that's too good for you right now, Marissa…" Julie said, an undertone of authority and even anger mixing with the concern in her voice. "I don't think you should be alone."

"Mom, It's not like I won't come over and see you guys. But I want to live in my home. Are you going to try to stop me?" Marissa demanded, somewhat desperately.

"You know, actually I could. You are not yet an adult…"

"I can't believe you're actually doing this now, mom. _Now_. I –"

Julie's face paled as she realized she would lose her daughter if she went on like this.

"No, Marissa, I'm so sorry. I'm just terribly worried. I- We'll talk about this another time. Go ahead and live in your apartment for now, if you really think it's best for you. But call me, regularly, okay?"

"Mom…" Marissa was getting tired of this conversation and the whole situation and wished for nothing else but to finally go home.

"Please understand, Marissa, that I'm just terribly worried about you. You lost someone who was very close to you–"

"Yeah, okay, I get it," Marissa said quickly. She did _not_ want her mother to start talking about Alex. "I'll call you, okay? But I really have to go now."

Julie nodded though she didn't seem happy with the outcome of their talk.

After Marissa had left, Julie felt someone place a hand on her shoulder.

"She'll be alright," Kirsten said soothingly. "She'll find a way. She's no naïve little girl anymore. She's a strong woman who knows how to go her own way and is capable of making her own decisions."

"Yes… That's what frightens me," Julie said quietly, and something in her voice made Kirsten shudder.

* * *

When Marissa stepped into her apartment fifteen minutes later, she was overwhelmed by emotions. She slowly wandered through the rooms, taking in all of the details, remembering all kinds of wonderful situations she had experienced here with Alex.

She went into the bedroom and looked down at the side of the bed where Alex used to sleep. She brushed over the pillow with her fingers, imagining Alex lying there, dreaming of a future she would now never have.

Marissa picked up the pillow and slowly pressed it against her face, inhaling deeply and letting Alex' smell fill her. She brushed off her shoes and then lay down on the bed, shutting her eyes tightly, allowing images of her lost love to fill her head.

* * *

Marissa awoke again a few hours later, feeling hungry and cold. She stood up and went into bathroom. After taking a warm shower she went into kitchen in search of something edible, finally choosing an apple, the only food that didn't make her want to throw up at the mere sight of it. As she stood there, chewing the sour, green fruit, she felt herself becoming restless and nervous.

There were some quiet moments when she was more or less able to deal with her situation, as in the bedroom before, and others when the mere thought of her loss threatened to drive her into insanity. This was one of those moments and she felt she had to do something.

She threw the remainders of the apple away, having lost the little appetite she had had, and changed into a low-cut shirt and a fresh pair of jeans. Then she grabbed her purse and left the house, heading for her car, but then choosing to take Alex' jeep instead.

While she was driving down the road all her worries were put aside for a moment, as she concentrated on driving safely.

About halfway to her destination, her cell rang and she answered it without looking at the caller's ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey Coop! Where are you? I'm in front of your house and I've been ringing the goddamn bell for over five minutes now!"

"Oh, hey Summer," Marissa said, recognizing her best friend's voice. "Well, I can't open the door, as I am not home."

"Yeah, I kinda guessed as much by now. So where are you?"

"I'm on the road… What are doing at my place anyways?"

"I just wanted to pay you a visit… You now, just hang, talk and watch a DVD or something."

"That's nice of you, but as I said I'm on the road. So… maybe we could just do that tomorrow or something?" Marissa suggested, in her heart knowing that she had no intentions of doing that.

"Yeah, I guess… But Coop, if you don't mind me asking, where are you driving?"

"Oh… just, you know, over to the city."

"What? You mean to LA?!"

"Yeah… Just need some change…"

"Well then, I'll come over too. I'll join you!"

"No! No… really, Summer, I'm alright. Don't worry bout me."

"I don't know, Coop…"

"Look, I'll call you if I need anything, alright?"

"Well, okay…"

"Good. So, I'll see you tomorrow Sum. Love ya."

"…Yeah… I love you, too, Riss. Please take care of yourself," Summer said, the last sentence only coming out as a whisper. Marissa hung up and Summer felt goose bumps erupt all over her arms and her back. _Oh God, please let her be alright,_ Summer prayed quietly, trying to ignore the foreboding of a disaster that was slowly creeping into her mind.

Marissa had just said she loved her. She never did that, at least not over the phone. So why would she do that now?

_I can't help you now, Coop_, Summer thought sadly, slowly going back to her car parked in front of Marissa's apartment. _I can't tell you what you ought to do, I can't tell you how to live your life. But please, don't give up. _Summer shuddered, praying that she would get a chance to actually tell her best friend exactly those words.

* * *

An hour later, Marissa parked the jeep in a somewhat shabby corner of LA. She walked down the dark streets for a few minutes, shivering in her thin shirt, until she found the club she had come here for. A few people were admitted before her, then it was her turn. The bouncers, two large muscle-bound guys, looked her up and down and then waved her inside without asking for her ID. Marissa paid the entrance fee and then entered the crowded dance floors. She squeezed past all the dancing and sweating people and headed straight for the bar.

"One vodka tonic, please."

The barwoman looked at her skeptically, but Marissa just put the money on the bar and the woman took it, shrugging her shoulders. Once she had gotten her drink, she drained it in no time and ordered another one. After her third glass she felt the alcohol beginning to work. With another drink in her hand she walked over to the dance floor, mingling with the other people.

She began moving with the music and felt the beat direct her moves. She felt sweat running down her body and took another sip of her drink to cool herself. She looked around, everything and everybody seemed to be moving in slow-motion. Though she felt other sweaty bodies touch her own, she felt as if she was far away from everything, even the music sounded as if it came from a large distance. But the beat inside her remained, dictating her every move.

Marissa emptied her drink and pushed her glass into someone's hand, not minding to look if they actually took it. She took something out of her purse, locking her fist around it, and continued dancing, now with her eyes closed.

She opened them again when she felt someone touch her arm. She blinked a few times before she was able to make out an obviously drunk guy, probably aged something between thirty and forty, smiling down at her lustfully. Marissa smiled back and looked down at his half-full drink. He held it up, offering it to her, and continued rubbing up and down Marissa's arm. She took a large gulp and felt the high-percentage alcohol burn in her throat. She handed the glass back to its owner and then pushed past the sleazy guy, who was too drunk to react fast enough and hold her back, moving away a few meters until she was sure he would not find her again.

The beat took hold of her again, synchronizing her heartbeat and she let the music lead her for some more time.

Then she stopped and looked around in the dimly-light dance floor. There were dozens of people around her, but nobody took notice of her. Some people were practically touching her, but still she was alone. And this time she welcomed it.

Marissa slowly opened her fist, which had been clenched shut tightly for what seemed like ages now, and looked down at the little white pills.

Long ago, she had once told Ryan that she had only wanted to escape. Yes, that was what she wanted now, too. To escape. To escape from a world that had nothing left for her. To escape into the arms of the only person who was more dear to her than her own life.

Today, 'escaping' meant something different to her than it did in Tijuana. She had still been half a child then. But she had left the last bit of her childhood behind her the day she had seen Alex lying on the street, cold and dead.

Two years ago, Ryan had been there to save her. This time she was alone. There would be no returning from this escape.

_I'm coming, Alex. I'm coming_, Marissa thought shoving the painkillers into her mouth. She inhaled deeply and then washed the pills down with some guy's drink who was too stoned and drunk to even notice her taking it.

* * *

_I'm coming_, Marissa thought again and tried to picture Alex clearly in her mind. But the alcohol consume was now paying its toll and her mind was too dazed to allow her to reminisce. In addition, she was now beginning to feel sick and cold with the icy sweat covering her body.

This was not how she had imagined it all. She wanted to pass her last moments thinking of Alex, remembering their most wonderful moments, and so join her in a peaceful state of mind. But all she was feeling now was – physical and mental – pain.

"Dammit," Marissa mumbled. "This is not how I want it."

She staggered towards the lady's room and locked herself into a stall. She hesitated for another second – then she stuck her finger into her throat.

* * *

Shortly afterwards, Marissa staggered out of the club, walking back to the car as fast as she could without stumbling – which was not very fast. She was still feeling sick and additionally she now had the sour taste of vomit in her mouth.

When she finally reached the jeep and curled up in the driver's seat she silently cursed herself for not having taken her own car, as the jeep had no top.

But then she smelled Alex' smell all over the seat and she didn't mind any longer.

"I'm coming soon, Alex," she mumbled before falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.

The next day Marissa awoke with a terrible headache and a stiff neck. Groaning, she slowly opened her eyes and within seconds last night's events came back to her. She groaned again and looked around.

The sun was already shining high in the sky, but even in daylight the street looked rather shabby. Marissa suddenly realized how incredibly lucky she was to have survived the night unharmed. Anyone could have just come up to the open jeep and raped or even killed her.

She shuddered and noticed that she was covered with the blanket Alex always kept in the back of the jeep. How strange. She couldn't remember having taken it out. But then again it was a half a miracle she could remember anything at all. _Hell, I was so damn stupid_, Marissa thought. _Being raped is really the last thing I'd need right now._

Marissa got out of the car and walked around for a few moments to get the circulation going. She probably still had to much alcohol in her blood to drive legally, but little enough to drive more or less safely. Feeling a little better, she got back into the jeep and began her ride home, wanting to leave the place –and the events connected to it – behind her as fast as possible.

* * *

A/N: Okay, this update took me longer than I thought it would… I'll try to update faster next time.

I really needed a Marissa-centered chapter at this point… but for those of you that love Alex as much as I do, she'll be back in the next chap! :D


	5. Chapter 5

5

Alex remained in front of her grave in silence for a few more minutes, before she finally turned away and wandered back towards the exit of the graveyard. She took her time, appreciating the complete silence and peaceful atmosphere. As she passed dozens and dozens of tombstones, she almost envied the truly dead – at least an end had been put to their suffering.

Alex got into the car and turned on the engine. She hesitated for a moment, not quite sure what to do now, then she drove off, not taking the road she had come here on.

She parked the car close to her apartment and then walked the last few hundred meters. She let out her breath when she saw that Marissa's car was not there, unaware that she had been holding it, not knowing whether she should feel relieved or disappointed.

Alex took out her keys – Victoria had somehow gotten them, although the police surely must have confiscated them at the crime scene – and cautiously opened her front door, quickly closing it behind her as quietly as possible. She held her breath and listened carefully, but no one seemed to be home. She kept the lights out – not that she needed them anyway. Since the beginning of her existence as a vampire her eyesight had steadily increased and now she could almost see as good in the dark as in sunlight.

She quickly looked around the whole apartment to make sure she was really alone, before heading back to the living room. She took out a blank sheet of paper and began writing. She had talked about this to Victoria earlier and they had agreed it was a great idea.

Alex folded the paper in half and placed it on her bedside table beneath a book. She made sure a corner of the paper was visible, without it showing all too obvious.

Then she lay down on Marissa's side of the bed, burying her face in the pillow. She inhaled Marissa's scent and allowed herself to come to rest. She knew it would only make everything harder if she stayed here this night, but at that moment she didn't care.

* * *

Alex awoke early the next morning before the sun had even risen. She tried to go back to sleep, to enjoy a few more peaceful hours surrounded by Marissa's smell, but she felt strangely restless. She rearranged the bed sheets she had slept on, so that they looked the way they had when she came here yesterday. Then, still wearing the clothes of the day before, Alex went outside and started running. She ran around the neighbourhood for over an hour, enjoying the darkness and silence. _Quite ironical, actually_, she thought, _how much I enjoy the darkness when all it brought me is this half-life. But so the enemy becomes one's friend, one's protector even. During the night is now the only time I can walk around here openly._

It had already begun to dawn when Alex returned to her apartment. She had barely sweated, as her cold body hardly needed any cooling. But she noticed with satisfaction that the exercise had managed to heat her body up, so that she almost felt like an actual living being for a while.

She shot a longing glance at her apartment before getting into Victoria's rental car and driving back to the motel.

Alex realized she had no key and was about to knock on the door to their room, when someone tapped her on the shoulder from behind. She spun around and came face to face with a dark-clad woman.

"Damnit, Victoria!" Alex hissed. "You scared me to hell! How did you manage to sneak up to me like that?"

Victoria smiled knowingly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Training. If you think about it, why should it be necessary for us to breathe? It is much more pleasant to continue breathing, you will notice if you try to stop, but it is not essential. It's a quite handy trait when it comes to sneaking up on people."

Alex couldn't suppress a frown, as she noticed that Victoria's voice sounded uncharacteristically neutral… and wasn't there even a slight undertone of suppressed anger?

"Err… Could you maybe open the door for me?" Alex asked a bit unsure, pointing at their motel room. "I just went running. I'd really like to take a shower."

"We're not in there anymore," Victoria answered turning away, her voice still rather cool. "Follow me, we're in these two rooms now. They have a joining door inside, but this way both of us can have a bit more privacy."

Victoria opened one of the doors. "After you."

"Thanks," Alex mumbled, now sure that something was up. Victoria followed her inside and closed the door.

"Sooo, was your night alright?" Victoria asked in the same voice as before.

"More or less… but Vic… please tell me, did I do something wrong?" Alex asked somewhat desperately.

"Hmm… well, let's think… _Maybe_, you could have used the fancy mobile I got you and given me a call or simply answered my text message?"

"I –"

"Damnit, I worried about you, Alex! I know you needed some time alone and that's perfectly alright. But I thought you'd be gone for only a few hours. You were gone the whole night!"

Alex just stood there, dumbfounded, staring at the woman in front of her breathing heavily from her outbreak, her facial expression still cold and hard.

"I-I'm sorry," Alex finally said. "I didn't realize… I had no idea you would react like this. And I didn't see your text message… I left the cell in the car… I'm really sorry," Alex repeated, still confused by Victoria's reaction.

The older vampire sighed and her face finally softened a bit.

"Ah, oh dear, I'm sorry Alex. You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

Alex slowly shook her head. "No, I'm just a bit confused… I mean I was only gone for a few hours, not even quite half a day. What could have happened in that time? I mean, you said yourself I can't die." Alex laughed humourlessly and searched the other woman's face, trying to understand her.

Victoria sighed again. "That's not quite true. Do you remember one of the last things we talked about last night? I told you- "

"-how to kill vampires, yes, but wasn't it rather improbable that another vampire would come here and try to murder me?" Alex interrupted, frowning.

Victoria shook her head. "You misunderstood were I was aiming at. I wasn't thinking of other vampires. I was thinking of you. I feared- I feared you might chose to end your existence…"

"You thought I was gonna kill myself?!"

"Yes," Victoria said quietly, hurt showing openly on her face now. "I considered going out to look for you… But I wasn't sure if I had the right to stop you. I chose to save you from death by introducing you into the world of vampirism. I thought that someone as young as you should get another shot at life. But I guess now that you are capable of making your own decisions again, the choice should really be yours."

There was a moment of silence in which both women just stared at each other.

Alex cleared her throat. "I'm not sure if I prefer this existence to death. But I thank you for giving me the possibility to find out," she said sincerely.

Victoria nodded, appreciating Alex' words.

"And I also thank you for caring so much about my well-being, but you really shouldn't feel responsible for me…"

"Yes, I know," Victoria said, her voice returning to its normal state. "I will let you find your own path. But do check your mobile from time to time when we're separated for a longer time, okay?"

Alex smiled at Victoria, receiving a smile in turn. "Okay."

"Ah, come here, little one," the older vampire said, pulling Alex into short but genial hug.

They both sat down on chairs around a little table and Alex told her about her night at the graveyard and her apartment.

"You say you felt restless when you awoke? And the feeling is coming back again? Hmm, Alex, I hate to tell you this, but do you think you might just be thirsty?" Victoria suggested. "You haven't fed again since the night I taught you to hunt, did you?"

"What, no!" Alex exclaimed immediately and then added more calmly: "No… really. I'm not- I'm not thirsty… yet. It's probably nothing. Actually the feeling's practically gone again."

Victoria threw her a sceptical glance but said nothing.

"You know what I wonder," Alex said suddenly. "Why are there vampires that drink human blood? Why risk being caught by police or vampire hunters like you?"

"Ah, yes, a good question," Victoria said, sighing once more. "Well, human blood is more powerful than animal blood. All vampires were once human themselves. To drink blood of the same kind that once flowed through their own veins is much more satisfying and nourishing than any other kind. A vampire that fed on a human can go on for a much longer time without needing to feed again. This is also the reason why it will take a while for me to locate Darian again. It will take some time before he feels the need to drink human blood again. He might even feed on some animals in between before his craving for human blood gets the better of him again."

"That's sick," Alex growled under her breath, her hands clenched to fists.

"Yes, I know. But there's another fact that leads many vampires to feed on humans… Human blood simply tastes better than animal blood."

"So Darian chose to drink my blood because he wanted a tasty meal!?" Alex grinded her teeth in anger.

"I know it's disgusting, Alex. But try to relax." It was only then that Alex realized her knuckles had turned completely white and she unclenched her fists, trying to calm down again. She closed her eyes and slowly breathed in and out for a few times.

Alex' eyes suddenly shot open again and she shot Victoria a piercing glance. "Have you ever drunk human blood before? I mean, if you didn't how would you know all this?" Alex demanded, fighting hard to keep her temper down.

"Yes, I have drunk human blood before, and you know it, Alex! I told you that I bit you again after Darian had left you half-finished, so to say."

"Oh, right. So… Did my blood-"

"As I said before, human blood tastes good. And it doesn't matter why one drinks it – as soon as one does it takes a lot of self-control to stop again."

Alex nodded slowly, but continued looking at Victoria questioningly.

"I can see that your not satisfied with my answers yet," Victoria sighed. "As you probably already guessed, your blood wasn't the first human blood that touched my lips. I could impossibly have kept you alive if I hadn't experienced the taste before.

"Long ago, before I started hunting other vampires, there was a time when I tracked down and killed 'usual' murderers. The first time I killed a man, a mass-murderer he was by the way, I had had no intentions of drinking his blood. But when I smelled his blood all around me after our battle I couldn't resist the temptation and fed on him.  
I kept this business on for quite a while, and believe me, it wasn't easy to break the habit once I had gotten used to drinking human blood regularly.

"I hope I don't sound too much like a drug addict that finally managed to stop taking drugs, but ever since I stopped drinking human blood I've felt much less like a monster and much more _human_."

Alex took a few minutes to think about what Victoria had just told her. "So… what would happen if I got close to a bleeding human…?" she then asked slowly.

"Well, let's put it this way: You should definitely be careful. Probably it'd be best if you just went away – quickly. You have experienced how easy you lose your temper. For you to lose control over yourself over human blood is even easier."

Alex nodded sadly. _One more reason for her to never tell Marissa the truth._

* * *

Victoria had offered to give Alex some self-defence lessons and Alex had gladly accepted, thankful for anything that took her mind off Marissa for a while.

So the two of them spent the rest of the morning training in a lonesome spot not too far away from their motel. Alex wasn't sure if hunting vampires together with Victoria was really something she wanted to do for the rest of her existence, but hunting down Darian was definitely something she aimed at, and she knew that she would be no help to Victoria unless she learned to fight and defend herself.

Victoria got her some books on combat sports and Alex spent her afternoon reading them, while Victoria herself had something else to do, as she said.

Hours later, in the evening, Alex was beginning to feel restless again. She knew that Victoria was probably right and she was just thirsty, but she didn't want to accept it – as that would mean she'd have to go hunting again – and tried to ignore the feeling.

Alex looked outside and saw with relief that the sun already stood rather low in the sky. She left a note for Victoria on the table saying she was just going for some fresh air and that she could call her on her cell any time. Then she put on a thin black hoodie and went outside, pulling the hood deep over her face.

She walked all the way to Newport Beach and when she finally reached her apartment the sun had already begun to sink. She stood on the doorstep for a while, knowing she shouldn't be here and trying to fight the urge to go inside again.

Suddenly Alex heard the squealing of wheels and quickly jumped behind a few trees. Excitement and nervousness started to build up inside her and once again the absence of her heart beat became painfully aware to her.

But her excitement soon turned to disappointment when she saw not Marissa but Summer appear in front of her apartment. She watched Marissa's best friend walk up to the door and ring the bell. While waiting for a response, Summer turned her head in Alex' direction and Alex sent out a silent thank-you that it was already dark enough for her not to catch Summer's attention.

Alex noticed Summer's sad expression and wondered what could have happened to her, until she suddenly realized that Summer was probably grieving for her. In the last months she had gotten to know the lovable brunette better and they had become friends. Alex never forgot how Summer had helped her after she had broken up with Marissa after the bonfire incident.

Alex realized that she had been too busy mourning over her own lost relationship and love in the last days to think about how her apparent death might have affected others.

The dimension of her misfortune suddenly became aware to her. She would never be able to talk to Summer, to Seth or even her parents ever again. All she could do was watch them from afar… watch them as they grew old without her… Alex remembered Victoria's story and now she could really comprehend for the first time how she must have felt. Alex shivered, immensely grateful that at least she wasn't completely alone like Victoria had been.

Alex' thoughts were forced back into the presence when she heard Summer's voice.

"Hey Coop! Where are you? I'm in front of your house and I've been ringing the goddamn bell for over five minutes now!"

_So this means she's moved back in here_, Alex figured, somehow finding the thought comforting.

"Yeah, I kinda guessed as much by now. So where are you?……I just wanted to pay you a visit… You now, just hang, talk and watch a DVD or something……Yeah, I guess… But Coop, if you don't mind me asking, where are you driving?……What? You mean to LA?!"

Alex almost gasped out loud, and when Summer more or less confirmed her presumption with her next words, she felt fear creeping into her mind. She did not at all like the idea of Marissa alone in LA – and judging from Summer's tone of voice, neither did she.

"…Yeah… I love you, too, Riss," Summer said quietly. Alex had to strain her ears to hear her last sentence: "Please take care of yourself."

Alex shivered and watched as Summer slowly retreated to her car, looking worried and crestfallen.

Not all too long ago, Alex had and Marissa had been to LA together. They had heard of a club where girls were often admitted without being asked for an ID and they had wanted to check it out. But once they were there they had found the place was rather shabby – and in addition Alex had not at all liked the way the bouncer had looked at Marissa – and they had instead gone to a nice bar.

Alex waited until she was sure Summer was gone, then she left the shadow of the trees. She headed for Victoria's rental car until she realized she had come here by foot.

"Damnit!" Alex swore under her breath and then quickly made up her mind. Her jeep was not here – so Marissa must have taken it. So that left her with no other option but taking Marissa's red Mustang. It wasn't exactly the most inconspicuous vehicle, but it would have to do.

Alex got out her bundle of keys and quickly found the right one. Soon after they had moved in together, Marissa and Alex had exchanged keys to their cars, so both of them had access to both cars.

As Alex started driving towards the city she thought about what might happen that evening. If she was wrong and Marissa wasn't heading for the club, there wasn't much she could do – but nevertheless it was probably the better option. If Marissa really went to that club, _God knows what she'd do then_, Alex thought. _She might begin drinking excessively again… and I don't even want to think about what that could lead to…_

Alex sighed and tried to erase all the fears from her mind. Just concentrate on the road, she kept telling herself. But the thought of Marissa – _in danger_ – threatened to drive her into insanity and she drove as fast as she dared – without risking not to arrive at all – hoping Marissa was just meeting up with a few old friends.

* * *

A/N: Okay… I know not all too much happened in this chap… I'm not quite sure how it happened, but this part turned out way longer than I intended it to be… XD

Well, anyways, thanks again for the reviews! : )


	6. Chapter 6

6

Alex sat on the dark doorstep of a house opposite of the club, the hood of her sweater pulled deep over her face. She had been sitting there for over an hour now, staring at the bouncers guarding the entrance. She watched dozens of people entering the club, people leaving the club. But Marissa wasn't among them.

When Alex had found her jeep close to the club, she had parked Marissa's Mustang somewhat further away in a less shabby corner and had then walked back to the club. She had sat down on this doorstep and was now still sitting there, watching the entrance restlessly.

Alex didn't know what to do. She considered going in and searching for Marissa, but the risk of being seen by her was too big. And in addition, the thought of being close to dozens of unfamiliar people seemed strangely repulsive to her. So she just sat and waited… and waited… and waited… At some point a man passed by, taking large gulps of a beer. It was then that Alex felt her own thirst stronger than ever, though it was not the taste of beer that she longed for. The thought of blood made her lick her lips unconsciously. A second later Alex was disgusted at herself and forced her mind back on keeping watch on the entrance.

Suddenly, Alex sat up straight, her green eyes sparkling in the darkness. A young woman came staggering out of the club, clearly drunk, and headed down the street. Alex felt her heart break when she saw the state Marissa was in, and felt it break even more, knowing she could not go over and help her. But nevertheless, seeing Marissa - _alive_- took a load of her mind.

Alex saw the bouncers exchanging grins and felt like punching them both until there was nothing left for them to grin about. But she pulled herself together and instead focused on Marissa, following her closely. To her immense relief they reached the jeep without any further incidents.

Alex watched as Marissa curled up in the front seat of the car, mumbling something. She didn't get all the words, but she clearly heard Marissa say her own name – and she felt a sting in the heart. _She still loves me_, Alex thought, happy and tremendously sad at the same time.

She waited a few minutes until she was sure Marissa had drifted off into a deep sleep. Then she took out a blanket from the back of the jeep and slowly went up to the driver's seat.

Alex just stood there for a further few minutes, watching her lost love sleep. She cautiously opened the door and held her breath as she bent forward. She reached out her hand, softly brushing over Marissa's cheek. Alex was suddenly caught by a feeling of such strong desire to be near her, she could hardly hold herself back from pulling Marissa into an embrace. But she forced herself to pull back her hand and quickly covered Marissa with the blanket. Then she bent over once more and kissed her girl on the forehead. Marissa's smell immediately filled her and she felt the world around her beginning to spin faster and faster…

Alex pulled back and silently closed the door. She took a few steps backwards and slowly everything around her began to come back into focus.

Alex took another few steps away from the jeep and lent back against a tree. She closed her eyes for a moment, still dazed from having been so close to Marissa. Then she turned her attention back to the sleeping woman, her green eyes flashing with new energy. This would be a long night, but Alex didn't mind one bit.

* * *

Alex had lost track of any count of time, but it was still in the middle of the night when she saw a man, smelling of beer and cigarettes, come their way. He saw Marissa sleeping in the jeep and immediately headed towards her, throwing his empty beer can aside.

"Just what I need now," he slurred, grinning wickedly.

Alex came forward out of the shadows, her hands clenched to fists.

"You!" she called out. "Stay away."

The man threw her a quick glance. "Get lost, girl."

He continued his way towards Marissa when his way was suddenly blocked by a heavily breathing blonde, anger evident in every single inch of her face.

"Stay. Away," Alex hissed again.

The man started laughing and tried to push past Alex, but then found himself staring at a long knife in the young woman's hand.

There was a moment of silence, then the man laughed his dirty laugh again. "You sure you're brave enough to use that, honey? Come on, give knife to uncle, then he play with you and other girlie."

His laughter turned into a shriek of pain, when Alex thrust the knife into his left shoulder.

Within a second, Alex had pulled it out again and stared at the man who was now holding his bleeding shoulder.

"For the last time," Alex hissed. "Stay away."

The man looked back at her, his face showing a mixture of incredulity and anger. "You're going to regret--"

The man broke off and fear replaced his previous emotions, as Alex raised the bloody blade to her mouth and licked it clean.

The taste of blood added desire to Alex' anger and Alex' eyes dropped from her opponent's face to his neck. The man watched in horror as Alex' eyes flashed red and she let the knife fall to the floor. He stumbled a few steps backwards and then turned around and ran away, still holding his bleeding shoulder.

Alex stared after him and felt her anger reach an intensity she had never felt before – and she would have run after him, had she not heard Marissa stir in her sleep at that moment. She turned to the sleeping beauty and felt her anger immediately begin to lessen. She shot a last glance after the man, then looked back to Marissa. _No, she would not leave her, not for any dumb reason_. She looked down at the knife and suddenly realized what had just happened. She slowly sat down on the ground, leaning against the jeep's left front wheel. _I just tasted human blood._

She gave the knife another glance. Victoria had given it to her, but just for the purpose of teaching her how to use one, so that she could one day help her with the vampire hunt.

Alex stared at the crimson drops on the ground where the man had stood.

_And I liked it._

Alex remembered the feeling she'd had when anger had taken her over completely. She had been close to killing the man. And had she killed him, she would have drunk his blood, there was no sense in denying that.

Alex shivered. She was lucky her need for protecting Marissa had been stronger than her anger or even her thirst for blood.

Alex shivered again. _I just tasted human blood_, she thought again. _And I liked it._

Alex got up quickly and ran towards the few trees next to the small parking lot. She retched, but found she was unable to throw up. _Well why would that be_, Alex thought ironically. _I haven't eaten anything for more than a week. Great. So I can't even throw up when I feel like it._

"I fucking hate being a vampire!" Alex hissed, kicking at a trash can.

After taking a few moments to calm down again, Alex felt thirstier than ever. She forced all her thoughts concerning blood into the back of her mind and went back to the jeep. She picked up the knife and sat down next to the jeep again, holding the weapon in her hands openly.  
This way she successfully prevented any other drunken men to come near her and Marissa.

The twitter of the birds announced the break of dawn a few hours later, and Alex drew back into the shadow of the trees.

It was only another few hours later when Marissa finally awoke. On seeing the brunette sitting up, Alex immediately left, heading towards the place she had parked Marissa's car. She knew Marissa would be okay now. _At least for now._

She was relieved that the Mustang was still there and she wasted no time quickly getting in and driving home.

About an hour later, Alex parked the car in front of her apartment, exactly at the same spot where it had been before. She was relieved to see Marissa wasn't there yet, as she would surely have noticed the absence of her car.

Alex stood in front of her apartment, clueless of what to do now. It was almost noon and the sun stood high in the sky. She wanted to wait for Marissa and make sure she returned safely, but it was too risky for her to be seen in the bright sunlight.

Alex knew she should get back to the motel, but the same problem faced her here again. _How was she supposed to get back to the motel – without a car – in the middle of the day? _Someone was sure to see her.

Alex put her hands into her pockets, still clueless, and felt something hard against her fingers. _Of course, that's it_, Alex thought somewhat annoyed that she hadn't thought of her mobile earlier.

Little time later, Alex was sitting in the rental car next to Victoria.

"Thank you so much, I really have absolutely no clue what I would have done now without you."

Victoria flashed a quick smile at the younger girl beside her. "No problem. That's what friends are for."

Alex smiled back at her and for the first time in hours she felt herself relax again. Now that she was with Victoria again, she had the feeling she could put aside her worries and responsibilities – at least for a while. She closed her eyes and almost instantly fell into an exhausted sleep.

Victoria shot a sideways glance at Alex and sighed. There were a few drops of blood around Alex' mouth and a deep frown on her face. Alex had obviously had a rough night.

"We'll talk about it later," Victoria whispered to the sleeping girl. "I hope I can help you."

* * *

It was early in the night and Alex slowly approached her apartment, deep in thought.

She had talked to Victoria about last night's events. The older vampire had been surprised that Alex had managed to refrain from feeding on the man, and this had made Alex feel even more sick. She remembered the sudden impulse that had made her lick the blood off the knife... She had been so close to killing a human, to drinking his blood. _Too close_.

All afternoon long Alex hadn't been able to quite shut away her anxiety. She was sure Marissa had been okay –at least physically– when she had left that morning… _But what if Marissa didn't go home?_

So Alex had anxiously waited for the sun to set and had then set out on foot over to her old neighbourhood, as Victoria needed the car herself.

Alex saw the jeep parked next to the Mustang and sighed, relieved. She stood in front of her dark apartment and looked up at the dark sky. The moon was shining brightly and dozens of stars around it sparkled beautifully, reflected by a single tear on Alex' cheek.

Alex closed her eyes and enjoyed the beauty of the moment. The only sound heard was the crashing of the waves on the shore and as a soft breeze caressed Alex' face she sighed in contentment.

She slowly opened her eyes, just in time to see the curtains of the living room window move slightly. Coming back to her senses, Alex quickly scurried off the open space in front of the house and into the shadow of the trees.

Moments later the front door opened and Alex breathed in sharply. Marissa stood on the doorstep, only clad in a nightgown, and looked around, as if she was searching for something… _or someone_. Alex watched her face closely and saw excitement and hope give way to sadness.

Marissa left the doorstep and slowly walked forward until she stood there were Alex had been merely a minute ago.

"Where are you?" she whispered and Alex had to bite her lips to stop herself from calling out a response.

"God, Alex, what do I do know? Please, tell me what to do," Marissa whimpered into the night. "How am I supposed to go on without you?… I don't think I can."

Alex saw Marissa close her eyes and turn her head upwards, so that her face was illuminated by the moonlight.

"Don't give up, Marissa," Alex whispered, wishing she could just go up to Marissa and take her into her arms…

"What is life without _you_ by my side?" Marissa's broken voice sent chills down Alex' spine.

"Don't give up, Marissa, please. Go on," Alex repeated softly.

Marissa's eyes shot open and she scanned the place around her, her eyes lingering on the trees Alex was standing behind.

"Marissa?" came a voice from the door, and both Alex and Marissa turned their heads to see Summer standing on the doorstep.

"Don't you want to come back inside?" Summer asked tentatively.

Marissa scanned the place again, before nodding slowly. She turned away and went back to the door, but before closing it she turned around once more. She looked up to the moon and then back to the place where she had stood before. Alex heard her sigh deeply and then the door shut away any further sounds and images.

Now it was Alex turn to sigh as she stared at the place where Marissa had stood, the place where she had stood herself before. If Summer had not come out… would Marissa have found her? Alex shuddered. She would never know.

Alex left her hiding spot and slowly walked down the driveway. She had nothing left to do here. Marissa was safe, Summer was looking after her. _Time to go home. _Alex almost laughed out loud. _Home_. What home? Were the motel rooms she now shared with Victoria her new home?

She shot one last glance at the apartment that once used to be her home, then she turned to walk back to the motel, her arms wrapped tightly around herself in a hopeless attempt to fight the ever lasting coldness that had crept into her heart and mind.

_No_, Alex thought. _I'm homeless._


	7. Chapter 7

7

When Marissa arrived home after her night in LA, she felt incredibly sick. Her headache was worse than ever and she felt as if she would through up any moment. She let herself drop down on the sofa and turned on her mobile, only to see several missed calls from Summer.

She sighed and decided she should call Summer back, even though she didn't feel like talking – she owed her that much.

But before Marissa had pressed the dial-button, her phone began to ring and so she answered it.

"Hi Summer."

"Marissa!!" Marissa could hear Summer's immense relief and began to feel somewhat guilty. "You're – you're okay."

"Yeah… I told you I only needed some time alone."

"Yes, I know, but I thought… never mind…" Marissa heard something that sounded much like a half-suppressed sob.

"Summer! Are you okay?… Are you _crying_?"

"No, yeah, I'm fine…" Summer said, her voice still sounding shaky.

"Summer…"

"It's just… dammit, Marissa, I thought I wouldn't see you again."

Marissa was about to respond, to tell Summer she would never hurt herself, but suddenly found she couldn't. She _had_ almost killed herself.

"I- I'm sorry," Marissa whispered.

On the other side of the line, tears were flowing down Summer's cheeks. She closed her eyes at Marissa's last words. She knew she had been right to worry about Marissa. And Marissa knew that she knew.

There was a short silence, then Marissa cleared her throat.

"So… Do you want to maybe come over later? I- I could really use some company. I- I don't want to be alone tonight…" Marissa whispered her last words.

"Yes, of course. I'll stay as long as you want me to," Summer whispered, trying to regain control over her voice, but failing. "When do you want me to come?"

* * *

Later, in the evening, Marissa and Summer went to sleep after having watched a random movie. Summer had come over in the early afternoon and they had spent the time just talking about non-important things. Neither of them mentioned Marissa's night in LA. Summer wanted to talk about it really badly, but she felt that this was not the appropriate time.

They went to bed, Summer taking Marissa's side of the bed and Marissa lying down on the side that used to be Alex'. Summer quickly fell asleep and her deep and steady breathing had a soothing effect on Marissa, and she soon drifted off to sleep herself.

Some time later, Marissa awoke all of a sudden. She tried to go back to sleep, but soon gave up. She felt restless and suddenly had the feeling that the walls were closing in on her. She had never been claustrophobic, but she now had trouble breathing and quickly got up. She went into the kitchen and got herself a glass of water. As the cold fluid slowly flowed down her throat, her mind began to clear. She lent her forehead against the cold metal of the fridge and took a few more minutes to gather herself.

Feeling somewhat better she went into the living room, heading towards her bedroom. She looked towards the front door, and following a sudden impulse she changed her direction and went to one of the windows. Slowly, she pushed aside the curtains… Her heart nearly stopped as she saw a figure standing in the dark drive way, only visible due to the bright moonlight. Her heart beating as if she had just run a marathon, Marissa left the window and ran over to the door. She pulled it open and halted on the doorstep. She looked around, but no one was there.

She shuddered. _But I saw her_, she thought desperately. _She was there._

Marissa slowly went to the spot where she had seen the figure.

Was she really beginning to imagine things? But Alex had been there, she had seen her silhouette all too clearly…

"Where are you?" she whispered into the night, but the distant sound of waves crashing down on the shore was the only response she got.

"God, Alex, what do I do now? Please, tell me what to do. How am I supposed to go on without you?… I don't think I can."

Marissa looked up at the moon, wishing Alex was there with her, so they could enjoy the beautiful sight together. She closed her eyes.

"What is life without _you_ by my side?" Marissa asked desperately.

Marissa heard a soft rustling in the wind that almost sounded like spoken words… like voices… like _one_ voice…

Marissa opened her eyes and looked around. _She was here. She _had_ to be_.

Suddenly she heard Summer's voice from the door, asking her to come back inside.

She looked around once more, and then headed back to the apartment. Before going inside, she turned around one last time. She looked up at the moon and then to the spot where she had seen Alex…

_Is this all that remains_? she thought sadly. _Your shadow in the moonlight, haunting me at night when I can't sleep?_

Marissa sighed and went inside. Summer went ahead to the bedroom, but Marissa lingered behind a few more seconds. She slowly breathed in and out a few times and then pushed aside the curtains of the window again. She squinted out into the darkness and saw the blurry silhouette of a woman walk around the corner and out of her field of vision.

Her heart started beating madly again. _I will go on_, she thought. _I will try – for you_.

Marissa went back to bed, lying down on Alex' side of the bed. She inhaled Alex' scent which was still all over the pillow and soon fell asleep, the feeling of Alex' presence once more all around her.

* * *

Summer was still asleep when Marissa awoke the next morning. Small stripes of sunlight sneaked past the curtains and lightened up the room.

Marissa sat up and yawned. She felt okay – not really well, but not too bad either. She threw her sleeping friend a quick glance before deciding to get up and make breakfast. Before she had stood up, something on the bedside table caught her attention. She couldn't help but smile when she saw it was a magazine about extreme sports, a huge wave depicted on the cover.

Marissa looked at the other books and magazines lying on the table and suddenly noticed a piece of paper lying beneath some of them. She carefully took it and unfolded it. She immediately recognized Alex' handwriting and quickly closed it again. She went into the living room and sat down on the sofa. She breathed in deeply and then opened the paper again.

_It's her last will,_ Marissa realized, somewhat shocked. She quickly read through the text and found that Alex had left her with everything she owned, including the jeep and her surfboard.

Marissa chuckled when she read the part about the surfing equipment. It was so like Alex to include it into her last will. She smiled sadly and folded the paper in half again. She would give it to Sandy – she didn't want to worry about the legal things.

* * *

The next days passed by slowly. Marissa hung out with Summer, Seth and Ryan practically every day. Sometimes they went shopping, sometimes they went to the beach and at other times again they just hung around doing nothing in specific. But what they did didn't really matter to Marissa anyways, as she was absent-minded most of the time.

Marissa read through Alex' extreme sports magazine and found it much more interesting than she would have ever thought it to be. She read some books Alex had told her about and listened to Alex' favorite music. At night she would often sit at an open window and look outside, hoping to catch another glimpse of the silhouette of a certain person… Sometimes she talked out loud into the night, telling Alex of her day.

Days turned to weeks, and still no hour passed in which Marissa did not think of Alex. The memory of the beautiful blonde was always with her and followed her around like her own shadow. The pain of her loss did not lessen, but slowly Marissa began to accept it as a part of her life, as a part of herself.

She was not sure what she had seen that one night, when she had thought to see Alex' silhouette. She knew for sure that Alex was dead – she had seen her lifeless body lying on the street. But still, she had the feeling that Alex had paid her a visit that night and that she had somehow asked her to go on.

So sometimes, when loneliness and pain overwhelmed her, Marissa thought back to that night – and went on.

* * *

One evening, Marissa was sitting at the pier, drinking a hot chocolate. She looked at the ocean and as ever so often thought of Alex. A girl joined her on the bench and they sat next to each other in silence for a while. Marissa was barely even aware of the other's presence, until she suddenly heard her ask, "You okay?".

Marissa turned her head in surprise and looked at the girl to her left for the first time. She had about shoulder-length black hair and long fringy bangs. She was wearing a black shirt and light blue, rather baggy, ripped jeans.

Marissa noticed the girl's smirk and realized she was staring. Blushing she quickly tried to remember what she had been asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay… why?"

The girl smirked again and looked her over. "You kept sighing loudly so I thought I'd just ask."

"Oh, yeah well, on second thought, maybe I'm not so okay..." Marissa said, silently daring the girl to tease her further, but was surprised when the girl's tone of voice became serious.

"Yeah, you do look as if you're trying to deal with something… Believe me, I know what it means to live through shitty situations…" The girl took out a pack of cigarettes and put one between her lips, before offering the package to Marissa. Marissa just shook her head, and the girl put the package away again, shrugging. She lit her cigarette and took a drag before continuing. "You know, so many fucked-up things happened to me that I sometimes had the feeling God wanted to punish me or something… But that was before I stopped believing in him, anyways. I stopped believing in a lot of things…" She took another draft. "I'm Kate, by the way, " she added.

"Marissa," Marissa answered, shaking the offered hand. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I've been through so much crap, myself, already. Sometimes, I wish I could just leave it all behind…"

Kate nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I've been there, too… Do you wanna talk about it? And with 'it' I mean whatever crap made you sigh earlier."

"No, really, I don't want to bother you with my problems…"

"No, no, seriously, I'll listen."

The two girls looked at each other intently for a moment, then Marissa slowly nodded. "It's kind of a long story."

"I've got no other plans."

Marissa nodded again and then threw Kate a quick glance. "Could I maybe… Just one draft?"

Kate looked at Marissa and then down at her cigarette, and laughed. "Yeah sure, but you know, I could also spare a whole cigarette." Kate smiled at Marissa and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Marissa smiled back and just shook her head. "I quit smoking a long time ago…"

Kate held out the cigarette stub to Marissa, who finished it off with a few deep drafts.

She began to talk of Alex, telling Kate anything that came to her mind. Marissa wasn't sure what made her tell an absolute stranger about her most intimate thoughts, but what she knew for sure was that she felt a whole lot better afterwards.

They sat there at the pier, talking for what seemed like hours, both finding solace in exchanging their stories and listening to each other.

Neither of them noticed a dark figure behind them slowly turn away, cold tears streaking down her pale face, pain stinging her dead heart.

* * *

The next days, Kate and Marissa met every day. Kate had apparently finished high school a year before and had spent the last year working here and there a bit, trying to find her place in life. Now she had come here to Newport Beach to get some work experience in a law firm. Kate only worked half-time and Marissa made it a habit to pick her up in the early afternoon.

It turned out that Kate loved to write, a fact which fascinated Marissa. Sometimes they would sit together at the beach and Kate would read out parts of stories or poems she had written.

In some aspects Kate often reminded Marissa of Alex, but then again they seemed entirely different. Marissa immediately felt a strong connection to the black-haired young woman and she even had to admit that she was somewhat attracted to her. But at first the mere thought of kissing another girl felt like a betrayal of Alex' love to Marissa.

More time passed and the need of being close to someone again increased inside Marissa. Though it sounded superficial to herself, Marissa felt she badly wanted to hold someone again, to wake up in the mornings with another body next to her own.

Marissa's family and friends were all very glad to see she was beginning to find her way back to life. Summer had already gotten to know Kate and she immediately saw that there was something unspoken between the two. She noticed certain glances between her best friend and the 'emo-girl', as Summer liked to call her, and later encouraged Marissa to go for it. Marissa had told Summer it was nothing like that, but if she was honest with herself, she wasn't really sure.

* * *

One evening, about two weeks after Marissa had first met Kate, they were both sitting on Marissa's sofa. A number of empty beer bottles were standing on the floor of the otherwise tidy living room. Kate was reading out one of her stories to Marissa. It was about the lost love of two young women and when Kate had finished Marissa's eyes were full of tears.

"That was beautiful," she whispered, smiling softly at her new found friend. "Really sad… but beautiful."

"Thank you," Kate replied shyly. She was usually quite outgoing and not easily ashamed, but when it came to her writing she was rather… vulnerable.

Marissa smiled again and leaned over to her right, planting a soft kiss on Kate's cheek.

The two girls simply stared into each other's eyes for a moment. Marissa licked her lips unconsciously and Kate finally leaned forward a bit, closing the small space between them. Their lips touched slowly and softly. They parted again for a moment to exchange smiles, only to join their lips again the next moment. Marissa closed her eyes and Kate followed suit, smiling even wider.

They spent the rest of the evening making out on the sofa and when they finally headed towards the bedroom they had no intentions of stopping.

Their kisses became wilder and more and more passionate. Soon t-shirts and jeans were lying on the floor and the two young women were lying on the bed, hands and kisses all over each other.

Marissa felt Kate's hand slowly wander up her thigh and then felt her begin to play with the rim of her panties. A part of Marissa enjoyed the feelings that rushed through her body and made her feel much more alive than she had for two months now.

Suddenly images of Alex filled her mind and Marissa knew if she now closed her eyes she could enjoy the moment to its fullest. But that was not how it was supposed to be. She'd be lying not only to herself but also to Kate.

"No, stop… please," Marissa said quickly, softly but firmly pushing away Kate's hand.

Kate shot the other girl a questioning glance. She didn't seem angry – she just wanted to know what was up.

"I- I'm not…"

"You're not ready," Kate stated. Slight disappointment was visible on her face for a moment, but was almost immediately replaced by a smile. "It's okay, don't worry about it."

Marissa sighed in relief. "Sorry."

"Do you want me to leave?" Kate was already about to get up, but Marissa pulled her back down.

"No, stay… please. Well, I mean I can understand if you want to leave. But you could also stay and we could, you know, just sleep?"

Kate smiled again and gave Marissa a quick peck on the lips. "Alright."

They got under the sheets and cuddled up next to each other. Kate quickly fell asleep and the deep and steady sound of her breathing once again had a soothing effect on Marissa. It helped her to soon fall asleep herself, memories of kissing Alex following her from her thoughts into her dreams.

But before dozing off, Marissa grabbed one of Alex' sweaters from the bedside table and pressed it to her face. Already half-asleep and her mind influenced by alcohol, the feeling of another body next to hers and Alex' smell all around her was enough to give her the feeling that everything was right again. _This is how it's supposed to be_, Marissa thought contently before finally drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the delay… I had some important exams in school that required all my attention and spare time… But I had my last exam of this semester two days ago (physics, pretty tough… I did nothing but study last week…), so I hope to update more regularly again. I have this story all sorted out in my head and I finally want to come to a specific point…

Hope you enjoyed this chapter… and once again, thank you for the reviews! : )


	8. Chapter 8

8

Alex froze when she felt the cold metal blade of Victoria's knife against her neck.

She glanced down at the weapon and then back at the older vampire. Victoria's eyes were sparkling angrily and she gave Alex a disapproving look.

"You have to concentrate, Alex! Do you really think you'll be able to kill Darian if you continue like this?"

Alex eyes flashed red with anger and she grinded her teeth, trying to control herself.

"You're full of hatred and anger, I can see that. So use it! You should never let anger control your actions, you have to control it! Use it! Take strength from it, but for god sake concentrate!"

Alex took a deep breath, then shoved aside Victoria's hand which was still holding the knife against her neck. She raised her own knife again and another round of dueling began.

Victoria, of course, had a lot more of experience, but Alex had learned fast and as long as she concentrated she did well.

But mere minutes later, Alex thoughts began to wander off again.

_After that night when Marissa had almost seen her, Alex went back to the apartment every night. Sometimes she would stay from dusk till dawn and watch over her all night. Even though she often didn't even see her, she felt Marissa's presence and that was enough for her. A few days after the incident in LA, Alex still hadn't fed. Her thirst had now grown to such intensity, it threatened to drive her mad. But still she tried to ignore it._

_One night, after having watched over Marissa for hours, she headed back to the motel. She walked through a deserted park, like always enjoying the silence._

_All of a sudden, she saw something from the corner of her eye. She turned her head to see a rabbit cleaning its fur. Alex later remembered thinking how strange it was to see a rabbit in the middle of the night, then all her senses left her. She saw the poor animal bleeding from a small wound on one of its paws and immediately her eyes flashed red. Before she even knew what she was doing, she had leaped forward. She grabbed the brown little animal and sunk her pointed canines into its neck. She felt the rabbit's heartbeat increase to an incredibly fast rate, before gradually slowing down and finally stopping._

_Once she had drained the animal of all blood, Alex slowly came back to her senses. She looked down at the dead rabbit in her hands. Its fur was soft and fluffy, and it suddenly reminded her of a pet bunny one of her friends had had a long time ago._

_The metallic taste of blood still filled her mouth and suddenly she felt hate and disgust fill her._

_She sank down to her knees and looked up at the dark sky. She closed her eyes and let out a shrill scream that filled the night and scared away some birds in a nearby tree._

_Angry tears flowed down Alex' cheeks. She was a _monster_. Nothing but a monster._

She laid the rabbit down before her and sunk her fingernails into her arms. She was relieved when she felt pain – a human sensation. She increased the pressure and scratched across her forearms. She looked down and saw with satisfaction that scratches became visible, even though she did not bleed.

_Suddenly, Alex realized what she was doing and more tears flowed down her face, dripping onto the dead animal in front of her. She breathed in and out deeply a few times. Then she forced herself to stop crying. She stood up, determination and grimness written all over her face. First brutally kill an animal like a beast and then cry over it? No, she would have to learn to deal with it. Crying helped no-one._

She squared her shoulders, picked up the cadaver and went over to some bushes. She laid the rabbit down on the earth and covered it with some leaves.

"_I'm sorry," Alex said quietly. She walked away and looked up at the dark sky. "I'm sorry I killed that poor creature… but I'm a vampire," she said grimly._

_Clouds shifted aside and the moon suddenly shone brightly against the black sky, as if welcoming her, a new creature of the night, to a world of darkness._

Yes, I'm truly a vampire now_, Alex thought, nodding her head to the moon, _no more crying from now on_. But she had cried again…_

"Alex, dammit!"

Victoria's voice pulled Alex back into the presence and she tried to refocus on the battle.

She fended off Victoria's attacks, moved left, moved right, and left again…

Visiting Marissa at night had become a habit… But sometimes that wasn't enough. If Marissa left the apartment at night, Alex liked to follow her. One night, more than a month after her 'death', Marissa lead her to the pier. She watched as Marissa bought herself a hot-chocolate-to-go, finding it incredibly sweet.

_Marissa sat down on a bench facing the ocean and Alex craved to just go there and sit down next to her. But Alex remained where she was, watching Marissa from the shadows._

_After a while, a dark-haired girl took up the place next to Marissa and Alex felt a wave of fury rush through her body. If she couldn't sit there, she didn't want anyone else to do so._

_But a moment later, she had calmed down again and sighed, shaking her head. She had to at least _try_ to be rational._

_At some point, Marissa and the other girl started to talk. Alex couldn't hear what they were saying, but she saw clearly from their body language that they had immediately connected._

_A part of her was glad to see it, as it probably meant Marissa was doing better. Alex had noticed that in the last weeks Marissa had tried to find a way back to life, but she had still seemed heavily depressed. Maybe a new friend, a fresh start was what she needed…_

_Alex watched the two of them interact for some more time, but she couldn't suppress the hurt that was growing in her chest._

_Alex figured it was dark enough to risk a closer look… She pulled her hood down over her face and approached the bench from behind. She heard Marissa's familiar laughter mix with one unknown to her. She tried to feel nothing but happiness for Marissa, but she failed – and felt her lifeless heart break a little more._

_Unable to bear anymore of the situation, Alex slowly turned away.__ Cold tears streaked down her face, smudging her eyeliner and leaving a trail of black sorrow on her cheeks._

_She allowed herself to wallow in self-pity for a few long minutes, before squaring her shoulders. She did not wipe away the tears on her face, but allowed no further ones to fall._

No more tears_, she told herself, _the next tears I shed shall be either tears of happiness – or none at all.

As she walked back to motel through the darkness, she once again felt incredibly cold – and terribly dead.

"Argghh!" Alex screamed out in surprise and pain. She dropped her dagger and clutched her left upper arm, where Victoria had just stabbed her. The wound wasn't all too deep and obviously not bleeding, but still it hurt quite a lot.

"Fuck! What the hell was that for?!" Alex yelled, staring at Victoria in disbelief.

Victoria stared back at Alex, just as angry as the blonde. "That was for not paying attention, again!" she hissed. "Seriously, if you changed your mind and don't want to help me hunt down Darian, that's fine. But then tell me, so I don't have to waste my time training you."

Alex eyes once again flashed red with anger.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I was wasting your time. Fuck, my life is a big enough mess already. I don't need this shit, I seriously don't!"

With that Alex stormed out of the motel room which they used for training. They had pushed aside all furniture to get some space for their combats.

Their rooms where still on the second floor and Alex now stood at the railing in front of them, looking down at the street. It was in the middle of the day and she was wearing only a pair of jeans and a black wife beater.

There was no way she could go out this way, the risk of being seen was way to big. And in addition, she didn't even have shoes on.

"Fuck!" Alex yelled and kicked at the metallic railing – not really the smartest thing to do, especially not barefooted, Alex had to admit, grinding her teeth in pain.

She thought about what had just happened and sighed. She still lost her temper incredibly fast.

Again, thoughts of Marissa and the black-haired girl from the pier invaded her mind. Their first meeting was now over a week ago – and no day had passed without the two of them meeting again.

Alex clenched her fists around the railing, fighting with numerous emotions inside her. What was she supposed to think, to feel? Should she hope Marissa would fall in love with this girl and that they lived happily ever after? Or should she hope this girl would be struck by lightning and just disappear from Marissa's life? No, definitely not the latter… Marissa would not be able to handle another loss, she was sure of that.

Alex sighed again. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned right to look at Victoria.

"Hey," the older vampire said.

"Hey," Alex replied somewhat stiffly.

"So… what do you say? Are we gonna finish Darian off, or what?"

A small smile spread on Alex' lips and she began to relax. "You bet!"

Victoria smiled back and gave Alex a pat on the back.

"Good… Is your arm alright?"

Alex looked down at the place where Victoria had stabbed her merely a few minutes ago. The wound had already started to heal and would probably be gone by nightfall.

"Yeah, it's fine… I'll do better now. I want to make him pay for doing this to me…"

Victoria nodded. "Okay, then let's continue the training, shall we? I have a feeling we might be going on a little trip, soon."

* * *

Victoria's feeling turned out to be correct and merely two days later the two vampires were sitting in the rental car driving in direction of Phoenix.

As they left Newport Beach behind them, Alex couldn't help but sigh out loud. She looked out of the window and even though she was eager to hunt down Darian, the thought of leaving Marissa was almost unbearable to her.

"You okay?"

Alex simply shrugged her shoulders and continued watching Newport slowly disappearing from sight.

When they finally turned around a corner she sighed again and turned to look at Victoria.

"I guess… It's just that I have a bad feeling about leaving Marissa…"

"Alex, you probably don't want to hear this, but you know… maybe it's better if you don't watch over Marissa all the time. It's tearing you apart. And you said it yourself, she's doing better…"

Alex slowly nodded her head and stared out at the blue sky. "Yeah, it'd probably be better for me if I'd just try to put it all behind me… But the thing is, I don't want to put Marissa behind me. My 'life' is not worth living any more, not to me, anyways. The only thing that's keeping me 'alive' – apart from taking revenge – is Marissa. As my own existence is meaningless and worthless, I might as well spend my time watching over Marissa's life."

Victoria shot Alex a quick glance. She felt immensely sorry for her and was at loss for words. What does one say to someone who has just put to words that their soul has been torn to bits and pieces?

"I know how hard it is," Victoria finally whispered, her hands clutched around the steering wheel. "The first years are terrible… but one eventually learns to move on. Maybe someday you'll decide to hunt vampires professionally, so to say. You'll be welcome to join me. It's easier to cope with it all if you have a place in life…"

Alex didn't answer and they continued their journey in silence.

Alex soon fell asleep, but found little rest. Again and again she was tormented by nightmares in which Marissa died in terrible pain and she herself was confronted with an eternity without Marissa…

Some time later Alex awoke with a start. She blinked a few times and looked outside.

They were at a gas station, but Victoria was nowhere in sight. The sun was somewhat lower in the sky and Alex figured she must have slept at least two hours.

Alex winced when the driver's door suddenly opened.

"God, Victoria, you scared me!"

Victoria chuckled and gave Alex an amused glance. "Did I now? Wow, you're a really tough vampire, aren't you."

Alex rolled her eyes and threw a package of tissues at the grinning woman, but missed her head by at least half a meter.

Victoria's grin became even wider as she sat down on her seat. "Wow, okay, now you really got me convinced that you're the toughest vampire ever!"

Alex stuck out her tongue at Victoria and tried to give her an angry look, but couldn't help but laugh. "I guess I shouldn't have tried throwing something at you – I've always sucked at it!" she said, thinking of a specific situation when she had tried to hit someone, not witch tissues, but with a beer can…

They continued their way down the road in a much lighter atmosphere than before.

When they arrived in Phoenix about another hour later, Victoria told Alex that she felt Darian's presence very strongly. The sun had already begun to set and it was slowly becoming dark outside.

"He can't be far away," she said grimly. They had parked the car and were now waiting… "The feeling is getting constantly stronger… He'll probably try to feed by nightfall."

Victoria started the car again and let her feeling lead them. After some time she suddenly stopped and parked the car at the side of a rather lonesome street in the suburbs.

The two women looked at each other.

"Okay, so here we go," Victoria said, giving Alex a questioning glance.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"No… you're not… not yet. Leave your knife here and take this one instead."

Alex took the dagger Victoria was holding out to her and touched the blade carefully.

"Let me guess… partly of wood?"

Victoria eyes sparkled with determination. "Remember to aim for his heart."

"What about you?"

Victoria pointed at her own knife. "I've got my own vamp-killer."

Alex nodded. "Alright… So, shall we go outside? I don't think I can sit in here much longer…"

Victoria agreed and so they left the car and slowly walked down the dark street, following her instincts.

After a few silent moments Alex heard Victoria whisper something to her. "Alex… I'm not quite sure what's up… but I think I'm sensing at least one other presence… We have to be careful… And… Argh!… I think we might be too late…"

Alex felt chills run down her spine. Victoria seemed worried, which Alex did not take for a good sign.

* * *

It turned out, once more, that Victoria was right. They hurried through a few blocks until they finally found Darian.

They saw two figures kneeling besides a lifeless body. Victoria cursed under her breath and ordered Alex to wait in the shadows. The vampire stepped forward and the two kneeling figures, seeing her approaching them, stood up.

Alex now saw that it was one man and one woman – and as her eyes focused on the man for the first time, she immediately knew it was Darian, though she had never seen him before. Hatred swept through her with such an intensity that she had to muster up all sensibility and strength she had to stop herself from running forward. Alex barely heard what Victoria said to Darian, but she watched closely as they began to duel.

Darian's companion was obviously a vampire as well, though Alex had the feeling she was much younger than Darian. The vampire-woman watched intently as Darian and Victoria fought for a few minutes, before taking out a knife of her own and approaching them. Alex was sure Victoria was a good fighter, but would she be able to deal with two opponents?

Before the woman had reached Victoria, Alex let out a yell.

"You there, vamp!"

The woman turned around and her red eyes bored into Alex'.

She now approached Alex instead and the latter quickly took out her knife.

All of a sudden, the vampire attacked her and Alex focused all her attention on fending her off.

Alex did well at the beginning, but the other vampire was obviously more experienced than her. She got stabbed in her left upper arm three times, but in return hardly managed to put any damage to the vampire.

Suddenly, Alex felt a stinging pain in her right shoulder as her opponent's blade bore into it. Alex fell to the floor, but still raised her knife in a last attempt to defend herself.

She saw the vampire hover above her, evil red eyes flashing down at her. It's over, Alex thought – and she later couldn't deny the feeling that rushed through in that moment. It wasn't fear, no, it wasn't even hate. It was relief.

But then the eyes of the vampire suddenly widened in surprise and she stumbled forward, right on top of Alex, who managed to raise her knife in time to bore it through her opponent's chest.

The vampire screamed and Alex increased the pressure against the knife to bore it deeper into her. With one strong gesture, Alex jerked her knife out again – and was surprised to see blood flowing out of the wound. The vampire's eyes turned from red to brown and a shiver went through her body. The woman blinked a few times, staring at the girl she was lying on as if seeing her for the first time. Then she sighed deeply – and became still.

Alex felt chills run down her spine and she quickly pushed the dead vampire off of her.

She slowly stood up and looked around. Victoria was walking towards her and Alex quickly nodded to her unspoken question – she was alright.

Victoria halted next to Alex and they both looked towards another figure standing in front of them.

It was a woman – another vampire.

Alex knew, without needing to ask Victoria, that Darian had managed to escape. But that was her smallest problem in that moment. Right now, the question who the two other present vampires were, one dead and one standing in front of them, seemed much more important.

* * *

Alex stared at the vampire in front of them. She was beautiful, there was no other way to put it. Her long brown hair flowed over her dark clothes and her eyes sparkled dangerously.

"Victoria," she said, nodding her head slightly. Her voice was clear and powerful, yet somehow soft and it made goose bumps erupt all over Alex' arms.

"Amy," Victoria replied, nodding her head in return. Alex eyes flicked from one woman to the other. "This is Alex."

Alex looked back at Amy and their eyes locked. "Thank you for saving me."

"No need to thank me. You killed her all by yourself."

Alex glanced at the corpse lying nearby and she suddenly felt herself becoming sick. She had just killed someone. She remembered the look on the vampires face before she had died. She hadn't been a vampire in that final moment – she had been a person, a human.

Alex quickly turned her attention back to the other two vampires.

"So… you know each other?" She asked looking from one woman to the other.

"Yes…" Victoria said. "Our paths have crossed before."

"We work in the same branch, so to say," Amy added with a smile which showed off her pointed canines.

"What happened with Darian?" Alex asked Victoria, suddenly feeling immensely exhausted.

"He escaped," Victoria answered, her eyes sparkling angrily. "Again…"

"He's not an easy one to catch…" Amy said grimly.

Alex sighed deeply. "We'll get him some day, " Victoria said, patting Alex on the back. "No matter how long it'll take, we'll get him."

They went over to the body they had seen Darian and the other vampire hover over earlier. It was a young woman who looked quite healthy – apart from the paleness of her skin and the four bloody little bite marks on her neck, two on each side.

Victoria called the police to inform them of the two dead women. Alex wondered how the police would explain their death's, but she pushed the question aside. It wasn't her problem – so why worry?

The three of them took the car and went to a pub. They took a table in a rather dark corner and ordered their drinks.

They spent the rest of the evening talking. First, they analysed the night's events. They talked about Darian and put together all they knew about him. But they were soon all sick of the subject, as they were still frustrated that he had managed to escape, and so they turned to other topics_._

Amy was keen to hear of Alex' 'death' and told them of her own. She also told them of her work as a vampire hunter. Unlike Victoria, she located vampires by smelling them.

"I'm heading for New York, next. You can almost always find vampires in such a large city," Amy was saying. "Have you ever been there, Alex?"

Alex shook her head no and Amy looked at her thoughtfully before saying: "You know, you could join me, if you like. You could help me with my vampire hunt. You did quite well with that vampire today, for it being your first fight."

Alex looked at Amy in surprise. "I… errr, thanks… well…"

Amy smiled and Alex felt herself flush for reasons even unknown to herself. "You don't have to decide in this moment," she said softly. "It's just an idea… It might do you good to get away for a while."

Alex looked at Victoria, who looked back at her with a serious expression. "She might be right, Alex. Now don't think I want to get rid of you or anything, but it really might be good for you to get some distance from everything that happened…"

Alex knew she was thinking of Marissa, and couldn't help but sigh.

"I would call you the moment I sensed Darian again, I swear," Victoria added.

Alex remained silent, hundreds of emotions and thoughts fighting in her head and heart.

"Like I said, you don't have to decide just now. Just think about it. I don't know about you, but I'm staying here for the night," Amy said, giving Victoria a questioning glance.

"Yes, we are, too," Victoria said, looking at Alex who nodded her agreement. "We should definitely get some sleep before driving home." Something in Victoria's voice told Alex that she wasn't really planning to sleep, and Victoria's next words proved her right.

"Here, Alex, rent yourself a hotel room. There's something I have to do. Let's meet here tomorrow at, let's say, 1 p.m.?" Alex took the money Victoria was holding out to her and nodded slowly. She was curious about what Victoria was up to, but she didn't dare to ask. Something told her it wasn't the time for nosy questions.

"Well then, see you tomorrow," Amy said, smirking. "Take care."

Victoria rolled her eyes at Amy and left after giving Alex a quick smile.

"Did I miss something?" Alex asked somewhat annoyed, but Amy just shook her head, smiling.

"Never mind. I'm sure she'll tell you one day. Sooo…. Do you wanna get out of here?"

Alex nodded and so they paid for their drinks and left.

* * *

They walked down the dark street in silence for a few moments, before Alex suddenly began to talk of Marissa. She told Amy of all her love, her pain and her loneliness. For a moment, Alex didn't even care if Amy wanted to hear about all of her sorrow or not – she simply needed to tell someone. But Amy listened carefully.

"Alex, I know this sounds cruel, but maybe it's better that you were separated from her now. You have to be aware of the fact that you're immortal. Imagine being with her now and living with her for maybe 50 years, if she's lucky. Then she'd die… and you? You'd be even more heart-broken then you're now."

Alex shivered and stopped walking, Amy following suit.

"So, what are you saying? Vampires are damned to be alone for the rest of their existence because sooner or later their lovers will die? Great. This makes me ask myself if there's any sense in continuing to exist at all."

Alex stared at Amy, silently daring her to contradict.

"No, Alex," Amy said softly. "What I'm saying is that it is much more efficient for a vampire to chose another vampire as a partner, than bothering to build up a relationship to a short-lived human. Because, believe it or not, soon you will find that a human lifespan is barely longer than a few seconds compared to the eternity of our existence."

Alex felt her head begin to spin. She looked at the beautiful woman in front of her. Maybe she was right… Maybe she should just go with her and leave her past behind her.

Alex eyes dropped from Amy's eyes to her lips and watched them form into a smile, before moving forward and pressing her own lips against them. She felt Amy's hands cup her face and soon deepened the kiss.

They pulled apart after a few moments and Alex saw Amy's eyes sparkling with passion.

"Come with me, Alex. I don't know if we'll work out – I'm not really a relationship kind-of-person…"Amy said in a husky voice.

"Neither am I," Alex mumbled.

"… But I'll teach you how to hunt vampires. And we'll have a good time, hum?"

Alex looked into Amy's dark eyes and felt herself getting lost in emotion and thought. Maybe this was just what she needed. Images of Marissa and the dark-haired girl flashed before her eyes and she quickly pushed them aside. She would go to New York with Amy. They would hunt vampires at night and share a bed at night. What more could she possibly ask for? Love, a little voice in her head suggested, but Alex mentally shook her head. She was a vampire – vampires don't love.

"Hmm, don't you think we should go look for a hotel, Victoria gave me some money, you know?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow seductively.

Amy smirked. "Yeah, I'm totally tired. But there's just this one problem… I tend to get scared when I'm alone at night…"

Alex grinned back. "Oh, I think I can help you there…"

They continued their way down the dark streets and soon found a hotel where they then rented a room. After a few more beers, Alex and Amy finally went to bed. And after a few more hours of heated passion, they finally went to sleep.

Amy fell asleep almost immediately, while Alex lay awake for some more time, thinking about her future. Some weeks ago, she would have said Marissa was the most important factor in her life and future. Now she felt Marissa slowly drifting away from her, as the visual of a very different future began to settle in her mind. Scratch the love, keep the sex and add the killing of vampires - that was her future now. _Like it or not, learn to live with it, Kelly_, she told herself as she finally began to fall asleep.

* * *

A/N: Wow, this update took me ridiculously long… I'll try to be faster again. And sorry 'bout the part with Darian… I know it sucked. I wasn't really in the mood to write that scene but it had to be there… oh well.  
Anyone of you seen Linkin Park live before? If not, you should do so if you ever get the opportunity. They're incredible! : )


	9. Chapter 9

9

_150 years later, somewhere on Earth._

_Alex and Amy had been travelling around the world together, hunting down vampires, for more than a century now. What had begun as an easy affair, had soon become a strong connection. The love that bound them together was so strong, they could not imagine a life without each other any longer. It had taken both of them by surprise – none of them had dared to hope to ever find a soul mate again._

_But they had found each other and now spent their time making Earth a better place by getting rid of vicious vampires and occasionally also other criminals._

_They met Victoria regularly, Alex often truly missed her. She had become something like a mother or an older sister to her._

_During her mortal life, Alex had barely seen any other part of the planet apart from California. Now she had been practically everywhere – but she had never been in the O.C. again._

_From time to time, she still thought back to her human life and remembered her time with Marissa. But time had eventually mended the wounds. Marissa, her friends, her family – they all had become barely more than a faint memory, and they had all died a long, long time ago._

_But Alex was happy… She had found her place in life._

_-_

_135 years earlier, New York City._

_Marissa once again worked late into the night. The new summer collection was due the following week and as head-designer of a little, but very successful fashion-design firm, she was covered in work from head to toe._

_It was near midnight when she finally left her office, and somewhat past midnight when she finally arrived home. She opened the door to the large apartment as quietly as possible and took off her jacket and shoes. Then she cautiously opened the door to her children's bedroom and tiptoed inside. She smiled down at her six-year-old daughter and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. 'Goodnight, honey," she whispered and then went over to the other bed, bearing her four-year-old son. She softly pulled his thumb out of his mouth and then, too, gave him a kiss._

_Marissa tiptoed out of the room and into her own bedroom. She silently undressed and laid down on her side of the bed. The person occupying the other side stirred in her sleep and turned to face Marissa. Kate's eyes fluttered open and Marissa greeted her with a smile and a soft kiss on the lips. 'Sorry I'm so late again," she whispered to her wife._

_Kate mumbled something incomprehensible and snuggled closer to Marissa._

_'You know I can't be angry with you,' Kate said softly. 'But you're gonna have to make it up to the kids. Jimmy was really upset cause he wanted you to read him his bedtime story. And you're gonna have to think about something really special to do with Alex. She misses you.'_

_'Yeah, I miss them, too,' Marissa sighed. 'But the collection will be out next week, and then we'll all do something special the following weekend, alright?'_

_Kate responded with a kiss and Marissa smiled contently. She had a great job, a beautiful wife and two incredible children. What more could she ask for? Her youth had been extremely difficult with ups and many deep downs. But now she was truly happy… She had found her place in life._

_-_

_This is how the story could have ended. A happy ending, where time did its magic and managed to heal even the deepest wounds. But this kind of ending would have required Alex and Marissa to each make the decision of moving on and leaving their painful pasts behind them. Once that decision was made, no problem, happy ending on its way. But were they able to make such a clean cut and begin a new life?_

_The answer, of course, is no._

_So here we go, back to the presence._

_The night was dark and starless. Alex and Marissa both lay in their beds, each snuggled up against more or less strangers – these strangers being the key to a new beginning, a new life. But what's a key worth if you don't want to open the door?_

_Nothing._

* * *

The next morning, still half asleep, Marissa felt the warmth of another body next to hers and smiled contently. She kept her eyes closed and simply enjoyed listening to the steady breathing of the girl beside her for a while.

Marissa yawned, her eyes still shut, and tried to remember what day it was. _Did she have school today? Did Alex have work…? Alex…_

And then the whole truth came crashing down on Marissa, crushing the peaceful imaginary world she had built up in her dreams.

Chills ran down her spine and she shivered. _No…_

Slowly she opened her eyes and turned to look at the sleeping, dark-haired girl beside her.

_No…_

Marissa suddenly felt sick and quickly got up and left the room.. After having emptied all contents of her stomach into the toilet, she went to the mirror over the sink and stared at her reflection. Her face was so pale, Marissa silently asked herself whether she was still alive. But she immediately answered that with a yes. The immense pain she was feeling had to mean she was still among the living.

For a few long minutes, she had truly thought that Alex was still alive. She had heard Kate's breathing and had been absolutely positive that it was Alex.

But it hadn't been.

_Alex was dead._

Marissa's head began to spin, and she quickly held on to the sink with both hands for support. Still feeling dizzy, Marissa leant her head against the cool mirror.

_Alex._

Just thinking her name gave Marissa's heart such a sting, as if someone had stabbed her in the chest and kept twisting the knife.

_Alex._

Tears trickled down Marissa's cheek. She felt as if she was awaking from a dazing sleep. _How had she even survived the last weeks?_

Marissa took a few deep breaths and turned away from her reflection. After closing the bathroom door, Marissa undressed and stepped into the shower. As the cold water washed away her tears, she came to a decision. She could not go on like this. _She would not go on like this._

She liked Kate, she really did. But she didn't love her. What would it have taken her to sleep with her last night? One more beer, maybe two?

A few minutes later, Marissa left the bathroom with a towel wrapped around herself tightly and headed for the bedroom. She was surprised to find it empty, but nevertheless quickly put on some fresh clothes.

She saw that Kate's handbag was still were she had left it the day before, so she went into the kitchen mentally preparing herself for the situation to come.

Kate was leaning against the counter, holding a mug of coffee in both her hands. A few strands of unkempt black hair hung into her face and though she looked a bit tired, she still looked horribly cute – a fact that didn't make things easier for Marissa.

"Hey," Kate said, smiling.

"Hey," Marissa replied, taking a deep breath.

Kate pointed at her coffee questioningly, but Marissa shook her head.

"No, thanks…" Marissa said, scratching at the remains of some nail polish on her left thumb nervously. "I…"

Kate slowly set down her mug. "You okay?"

"I- Yes!…No… I don't know." Marissa looked up to meet Kate's piercing glance. "Look, Kate, I'm sorry. I just can't… What happened yesterday…"

Kate stepped forward and took Marissa's hands in her own. "Hey. It's okay. We can take it slow. There's no need to rush anything. We can –"

"No," Marissa interrupted her and pulled her hands out of the other girl's grasp. "I'm sorry, but I can't. I- I still love Alex. And I will always love her. I'd only be lying to you and myself if I agreed on continuing this. Leave, please… I'm sorry," Marissa added as a whisper.

Kate tried to hide the hurt on her face but failed miserably. "It's okay. So, I-I'll just go then, I guess… Unless you want me to stay, and just hang out?" Marissa looked down at her feet and Kate nodded in defeat.

"Okay…" Kate's voice faltered and she cleared her throat before continuing. "So, if you, you know, change your mind, just give me a call, no matter if you want to be friends or more. I- Well, take care…"

"I'm so sorry," Marissa said, unshed tears shining in her eyes.

"It's okay," Kate said, but her voice was clearly stating that it was not at all okay. "I'll be fine. Just promise me you'll be okay, too?"

Marissa nodded slowly. _Yes, she would be okay…_

Kate smiled sadly and gave Marissa a quick peck on the cheek. Then she left the kitchen and a few moments later Marissa heard the front door close.

She sighed and went over to the counter. She drank the rest of Kate's coffee and then took a moment to get her thoughts in order.

Sighing, she looked around her rather messy kitchen and began to clean it up. After the room could be clearly identified as an actual kitchen again, Marissa turned to the other rooms and spent the rest of the morning tidying them one by one.

* * *

Around noon, after having eaten a very late breakfast, Marissa took the jeep and drove to the graveyard. Once she stood in front of Alex' grave, she put a single red rose onto the earth in front of the tombstone. Slowly, her fingers traced the words engraved into the cold marble stone. _Alexandra Kelly_. She felt the name beneath her fingers, in her mind, in her heart.

She sat down on the grass, leaning back against the gravestone.

"Hey Alex," Marissa said softly, looking up at the sky. "Sorry I haven't been here in some time. I could say I didn't have the time – but that would be a lie. And a long time ago, I learned that lying to Alex Kelly isn't a good thing. God, do you remember when I lied to you about the whole mall thing? That's when we started to fall apart… But let's not think about that now. Let's remember the good times we had. Remember when you first asked me what I wanted from you?" Marissa laughed softly and closed her eyes to fully enjoy the memories. "I was so scared – and totally in love with you. And then later that day, I came over to the Bait Shop and we held hands. We didn't even kiss that evening – but I was totally in heaven."

Marissa blinked away a few lonely tears and leant her cheek against the cool tombstone.

"Oh Alex. Why did you have to leave me? Now you're in heaven and I'm stuck here all alone. I never knew you to be so selfish." Marissa smiled sadly. "I miss you," she whispered. "But we'll see each other again… _soon_."

Marissa continued sitting there for some time, in silence.

Later, around 3 o'clock, she met with Summer and they had some lunch together. She didn't tell her of what had happened with Kate. She didn't mention their make-out-session, neither did she mention their break-up. She made Summer think that she was meeting Kate later.

Summer wasn't sure what to make of Marissa's mood. On the one hand she seemed quite cheerful… But on the other hand there seemed to be something else, an emotion which Marissa was trying to hide. When she asked her best friend if she was okay, Marissa smiled and said she was perfectly well. Summer wasn't fully convinced, but finally decided to let it go and enjoy Marissa's cheerfulness.

After lunch, they walked around the town, chatting, for another two hours. Summer then went off to meet with Seth and Marissa headed for the beach. She sat down on the spot where Alex and her had shared their first kiss. She remembered how it had been to feel Alex's soft lips on her own for the first time… how it had felt to kiss another girl for the very first time.

_The tide just changed_. The words Alex had spoken seemingly so long ago echoed in her head.

Marissa stared at the endless ocean before her and smiled. She allowed herself to reminisce and once again found peace and solace in her memories. She was now sure she had taken the right decision – and she would put it into action tonight.

A soft cool breeze tickled her face and although she was staring out at the ocean, she didn't notice that the tide had just changed.

* * *

A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews! Every single one means a lot to me. : )

Susie: for some reason the link doesn't work for me… I copied it into my browser several times and I even tried it with firefox, but I jut got the message 'server not found'… : ( but thank you anyways.

My six weeks of summer vacation begin on Tuesday! yay! I won't be home, but I hope I'll still manage to update during that time.

For all of you that have a dark sense of humour: type 'lenore' into youtube and check out the short animation clips… they're so great XD… but beware: very dark humour…

Well, so, thanks for reading… And I'll just stop the rambling and continue writing chapter 10 now! : )


	10. Chapter 10

10

It was late in the morning and the sun stood high in the sky in Phoenix. Alex was running through the streets, through a park and through streets again. She ran and ran, and slowly she felt herself beginning to sweat. Her cold body had truly become hot enough to need actual cooling.

Thousands of thoughts were whirling around in Alex' head, but she tried to shut them all away. Just one moment, she thought, just one moment without any concerns. But then again she had spent all last night without worrying about anything.

She remembered everything she had done last night – done with Amy. It had been wonderful… The feeling of another body against her own again after two long months…

Alex looked at a public clock. It was almost noon. Time to go back.

She would go take a shower and then she would talk to Amy.

* * *

Around 1 o'clock Alex reached the pub they had been in the night before. Victoria was already there, dressed all in black as usual.

"Hey Alex!" she greeted her, smiling. Whatever it was that she had been doing that night, it had obviously gone well.

"Hey Vic."

"Where's Amy?"

"She's…" Alex cleared her throat. "She's not coming."

Victoria raised her eyebrows in surprise and gave Alex a questioning glance.

"So… What does that mean, in specific?"

"I'm going back to Newport with you."

Victoria's expression was hard to read. She almost looked a bit… disappointed.

"Did you and Amy not get along well?"

Alex cleared her throat again, "No, no… We did get along… pretty well, actually. But… I… Do I really have to justify myself? I'm going back to Newport – and that's that."

"Hey, no need to get bitchy," Victoria said coolly. "Okay, so we're going back. Come on, let's go find the car."

They walked in silence for almost twenty minutes until they reached the black rental car.

Victoria got into the driver's seat and Alex once more took the seat beside her, and so they began their ride home.

"You are aware, though," Victoria began after a while, finally breaking the silence, "that I'm not going to stay in Newport forever? I'm going to move on, soon."

Alex nodded slowly. "I guess we might part company soon."

Victoria threw her a quick glance, frowning. "So you're planning on staying in Newport? I don't think I have to tell you what I think about that…"

"Are you gonna try and stop me?" Alex demanded, her eyes sparkling with a red shimmer.

Victoria sighed, but her face remained emotionless. "You know, I'm not against you or anything. You should hear yourself talk sometimes… As if I was an enemy or something. I'm just trying to help."

Alex closed her eyes and massaged her temples. "I know. And I really appreciate everything you've done for me. But you have to let me decide how I want to live my life. And, as I told you before, the only thing in this fucking life that still means anything to me, is Marissa. I'm gonna stay in the O.C. and watch over her until the end – her end." Alex' voice had become steadily louder, but then she added in a whisper: "And it'll be my end as well."

Alex' facial expression was grim and determined. She waited for Victoria too either lecture her or drown her in pity, but was surprised when all she said was 'okay'.

Alex stared at Victoria for a moment, and the latter threw her a small – understanding – smile. "Maybe that's what you have to do – everyone has a different way of dealing. And I'm not leaving Newport tomorrow, nor the day after – maybe you'll change your mind. Don't look at me as if you'll kill me any second! I just said maybe. Let's just leave it at that for now, okay?"

Alex took a deep breath and then nodded slowly. She knew she would never change her mind. She would stay wherever Marissa was and make sure she was alright. But there was no sense in arguing with Victoria now.

They continued their journey in silence once more, but this time it wasn't a cold and uncomfortable one.

Alex thoughts wandered to the morning and the evening before – to Amy. What Amy had offered her was a complete new life – a fresh start. There were many tempting aspects to that… but it just wasn't right. She couldn't leave Marissa behind as if she had never known her. She couldn't and she wouldn't.

It was always difficult to lose a person. Break-ups could be devastating and it was often terribly hard to get over an ex and usually impossible to forget them. Losing a person because death took its toll, was terrible and immensely difficult, too. But in both of these cases at least one knew that there was no possibility of seeing that person or being with them again.

Alex, on the other hand, was doomed to watch from afar as Marissa grew old, while she herself remained young for ever. _A few months ago I would have said eternal youth and life was a blessing,_ Alex thought grimly_, but now I now it's a curse, a goddamn curse._

* * *

When they reached Newport Beach a couple of hours later, Alex felt herself relax a bit, even though she hadn't noticed how tensed she had been. She knew that Marissa was somewhere near, somewhere within her reach.

Victoria parked the car in front of their motel and Alex quickly rushed up the stairs to their rooms. It was in the afternoon and the sun still stood high in the sky. If anyone Alex knew came passing by – which was rather unlikely, but still – they would immediately recognize her.

Alex unlocked the door and entered the room, taking a wide look around. _So here I am_, Alex thought, _I'm back. Not home, but back._

Victoria joined her a few seconds later, but left again almost immediately saying she had something to do.

"You've got my cell if you need anything, right?" she asked. Alex confirmed with a nod and moments later the front door fell shut.

Alex looked around the room again. What now? Everything inside her was itching to look after Marissa… but it was too early. Not that she had never followed her around during day-time… but it was risky.

Alex suddenly wished she had her guitar here. She hadn't played in such a long time now.

_Maybe I can get a new guitar and improve my skills_, she thought bitterly, _at least I've got time now. No more work…_

_No more work!_ Alex nearly laughed out loud at her stupidity. How could she not have given that any thought before? Victoria was paying for their motel rooms now, and she didn't need any food. But what was she going to do when Victoria had left town? She had saved a bit money, but her credit card was at her and Marissa's apartment – and it wasn't much anyway.

Alex groaned. She would have to find herself a job, there was no way around it. She'd ask Victoria for advice later, but for now she pushed the problem aside.

After another moment of simply standing there, asking herself how she could have been so naïve and not have given money any thought before, Alex finally got out her combat sports books and began practicing. She didn't know what else to do with herself and this activity at least had some sense – she still had every intentions of hunting down Darian one day.

When the sun was finally stood low in the sky, Alex headed to the bathroom, intending to take a shower. She glanced into the mirror and something on a shelve behind her caught her attention. She turned around and picked up the hair-dye package. She glanced back into the mirror and examined her appearance. She still looked almost the same as two months ago, she had the same green eyes, the blonde hair and the purple streak. Her face was a bit paler, but apart from that nothing had changed. And yet…

_This is not me anymore_, Alex thought sadly. _I'm not the person I used to be. So why play pretend?_

And with those thoughts she opened the package in her hands, scanned the manual and then began to dye her hair.

* * *

Twenty minutes later she finally hopped under the shower and afterwards got dressed quickly. She put on a hoodie even though it was a quite warm evening – temperature didn't really play a role to her anymore.

She avoided looking in the mirror, and yet she caught a short involuntary glimpse of herself and then couldn't help but take a closer look. Long black hair now framed her face and suddenly she felt a strange calmness fill her. She was no longer Alex, the bartender, the girlfriend, the teenager. She was Alex, the vampire, now.

Alex left the building and started jogging in direction of Newport Beach – the motel was outside town – her hood up, hiding her face.

Shortly before she arrived at the apartment she followed a sudden impulse and headed to the beach instead. She passed the Bait Shop and felt another sting of loss. She really missed working there.

As soon as Alex had set foot on the beach, she stopped and took off her Chucks and socks. She felt the sand beneath her toes and a tiny, but sincere smile sneaked onto her face.

She wasn't sure whether Marissa was here or not, but it felt right to pay their spot on the beach a visit.

She walked down the beach, enjoying the wind in her hair, and soon saw that she was in fact lucky. When she saw the silhouette of a girl, sitting on the sand and looking at the ocean, she immediately knew it was Marissa. She sat down several yards away and stared at the back of the girl she loved more than her life. The crashing sound of the waves filled her ears and Alex sighed in contentment as she stared at the beautiful view in front of her: a deep red sun was setting into the sea, the black silhouette of the most beautiful girl visible against the colourful evening sky.

Alex didn't know how long she sat there like that, but when Marissa finally got up, she felt it had been way to short.

The sun had set completely a long time ago and Alex had no problems remaining unseen when she followed Marissa off the beach. At some point they walked past a man who looked at Marissa with an evil grin on his face. He was about to move forward, his hand outstretched, when he caught sight of Alex. She had stopped walking and stood staring at him, her hands clutched to fists, her breath shallow and fast. But it was her eyes that made his blood freeze inside his veins. He winced and quickly backed away. Something in her blood red eyes seemed to give the word 'death glare' a whole new meaning.

Alex had to close her eyes for a moment and force herself to calm down. The anger and hate she was feeling was threatening to take her over completely. Pictures of herself killing that man, biting him, drinking his blood filled her head, and she licked her lips subconsciously.

It took her another full minute to recover from her rage blackout. Then she opened her eyes and was relieved to see that the man had gone.

Alex took a deep breath. She had just been angry enough to kill that man. In the past Alex had sometimes asked herself if she was capable of murder. Today she knew the answer. She had already killed a vampire in Phoenix – but that had been different, they had been in a fight.

The time when she had been near to killing a man in L.A. had also been different. It had been clear then that he was attempting to rape Marissa.

But this man just now… The only thing he had done wrong was to look at Marissa. Maybe he had just wanted to ask for the time?

Alex shook her head and shivered. It was like the vampire inside herself was fighting her human part. The human part was still in control – and it had to stay that way. The thought of ending up to be a monster like Darian sent even more chills down her spine.

_No_, Alex thought, _I won't_. She suddenly realized that this wasn't a decision she had taken a long time ago – it was only now that she had decided for good that she wouldn't be a monster. She was a vampire, yes, but no monster.

Alex nodded to herself. She knew she would have a hard time fighting her rage-blackouts, or whatever it was, but fight them she would.

Then Alex suddenly blinked as if she was awakening from a deep sleep and quickly went after Marissa, suddenly afraid to lose sight of her. All self-centered thoughts disappeared from her mind as Marissa took their place again.

When they reached the parking lot, Marissa got into the jeep and drove off, leaving Alex to follow her on foot. The young vampire quickly put her shoes back on and then squared her shoulders.

Assuming that Marissa was heading home, Alex began jogging in direction of their apartment. Going back to the hotel now was no option for her. She needed to watch over Marissa tonight. She had caught a short glimpse of Marissa's face before she had gotten into the car. She wasn't sure what she had seen there – but it had frightened her. There had been sadness on her face, but also something else: a bitter determination that sent icy chills down Alex' spine.

* * *

A/N: Wow, okay, it's been over a month since my last update… O.o I hardly found the time to write at all… I spent my summer in Portugal (mostly at the beach!) and my best friend (her name is Alex, too, btw :D… and in case you read this one day, Alex: I love u!) spent almost three weeks there with me – need I say more? I had the best time of my life! : )

I think it's safe to say that I will update faster again now…

Oh, and I finally managed to get on the Alex/ Marissa fan site… Thanks shassy25 and susie! I'll post my stories there, too, when I find the time.

If you want to see a pic of Alex as a vamp, copy this link into your browser… you have to erase the three spaces, though: http: / /s8.directupload. net/images/080829/biyawblo.jpg

Hope you like it! :D

Thanks for the many reviews!! I know I've said this before, but your opinions really mean a lot to me.

Cheers!  
Elanor


	11. Chapter 11

11

It was dark in the living room, as all artificial lights had been turned off. The windows were all wide open, the drapes pulled back all the way. Faint moonlight flowed into the room, giving it a ghostly shimmer. Aligned on the floor as a circle were numerous little candles, their tiny flames flickering at the soft wind coming from outside.

Marissa couldn't tell how long she had already been sitting there, in the center of the circle, her eyes shut tightly. When she finally opened them again, they were shining with unshed tears. She slowly reached out with one hand and picked up a picture. She caressed the wooden frame with her thumbs and smiled down at the photograph of herself, embracing Alex from behind. They were both beaming with pure happiness.

"I'm coming," Marissa whispered and felt a sudden peacefulness fill her. _This was it. They would be together again, at last – in what form soever._

She set the picture aside and took a small, sharp kitchen knife into her hands.

Her hands had been shaking mere minutes earlier, when she had been lighting the candles, but now they were perfectly calm – _she_ was perfectly calm.

Marissa's fingers locked themselves firmly around the knife's handle. She lead the blade towards her left wrist – and let it glide from left to right.

The pain came immediately and with shocking intensity. Marissa flinched ever so slightly, but watched with a smile as a little bloodstream flowed across her forearm. _More pressure_, she thought.

She raised the knife once more and cut again – and then a third time.

She closed her eyes again. She could feel her warm blood on her arm, but knew it wasn't enough. Again she cut, for the forth time – eyes still shut – and then she could feel the blood pumping out of her forearm. _An artery_, some part of her brain registered.

She set the knife beside her and touched her bleeding arm with two fingers. Judging from the painful throbbing, blood was now streaming out of her in much larger amounts – she didn't open her eyes to check.

Marissa inhaled deeply, pushing all the pain away from her mind.

As she slowly felt her body weaken, all her consciousness was focused on Alex. The darkness surrounding her was becoming deeper and Marissa felt herself being engulfed. The time to let go was slowly creeping closer. The darkness around her, the darkness in her head was now darker than black, but instead of being scared and backing away, Marissa mentally leant forward to embrace it. She was not afraid of death – she didn't even consider herself to be dying. She considered herself to be going home – _home to Alex._

* * *

Alex had begun her way toward the apartment in a moderate jog, and ended it sprinting as fast as she could. She couldn't quite explain her feeling, but fear for Marissa had taken over her at some point.

She only slowed her pace when she arrived at the driveway. She walked up to the door, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. All the lights in the apartment were turned off, she noticed. But there was a faint glimmer…

Alex walked up to the windows of the living room and cautiously looked inside.

Candles, being the only source of light in the room, were set on the floor, drawing a circle around Marissa. _Marissa_…

If Alex' heart had still been beating then, it would have stopped dead with shock.

Marissa was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, a bloody knife at her side. Streams of crimson were flowing, pulsating, out of her left arm. Two small lines of black mascara on her cheeks showed that she had been crying – a fact that contrasted against the smile on her lips.

Alex had jumped in through one of the open windows in an instant and immediately the smell of blood – human blood… Marissa's blood – filled her nose.

Careful not to hit any candles, Alex kneeled down in front of Marissa and looked down at her arm. For a moment Alex simply stared in shock as Marissa's heart pumped more life out of her each second. Then Alex' head jerked up and her eyes locked on Marissa's face. She was pale and her eyes were shut tightly. Alex quickly shut her hand tightly around the other girl's forearm. The blood felt slippery and hot against her own cold skin, and the throbbing sensation beneath her hand was more than unpleasant, but Alex barely even noticed it. She cupped Marissa's face with her free hand and flinched when she saw that Marissa's cheeks were almost as white as her own skin.

"Marissa," Alex whispered urgently. "Marissa, can you hear me?"

The dying girl showed no reaction.

"Marissa," Alex repeated, louder. Again, no reaction.

"Marissa!" Alex yelled. She let go of Marissa's face and slapped her in the same movement.

A small groan left Marissa's lips and Alex instantly reached her hand out again to caress her face.

"Marissa! Marissa! Don't leave me… Stay awake, okay?"

Marissa's eyes fluttered open but didn't focus – she just stared into nothingness.

"Yes, that's right, keep your eyes open. I'm with you."

While speaking, Alex cautiously let go of Marissa's arm, which was still bleeding freely, and then quickly got up, picking up the knife on her way. She hurried into the bathroom, threw the knife into the sink, swiftly washed most of the blood off her hand and then grasped the first aid kit plus the first towel she saw.

She ran back into the living room, taking up her position in front of Marissa again.

She saw with relief that Marissa was still conscious. The younger girl stared at her in wonder, as she quickly pressed the towel against her wounds. She must have been in pain, but her only reaction was a smile. An incredibly sweet and sincere smile.

Alex held the towel in place with one hand and opened the first-aid kit with the other. She tried to remember what she had learned in her first-aid class almost two years ago and quickly applied compression bandages to the deeper wounds. She put band aids to the other cuts and then began to clean up the mess on Marissa's arm with a clean part of the towel.

Suddenly, Alex felt a trembling hand against her cheek and looked up to meet Marissa's gaze.

"Alex," Marissa croaked and Alex' heart broke a little more.

"Yes," she answered quietly in what she hoped was a secure voice. "I'm here."

"Are you an angel?" Marissa asked in a barely audible whisper.

Alex felt another sting in her lifeless heart. "No," she said, her voice raw as if she hadn't used it for weeks. "I'm no angel." _I'm a monster._

Marissa smiled a weak, but knowing smile. "You're here to take me home, aren't you. So we can be together again."

"Marissa, listen to me. You are not dead. And _please_, don't hurt yourself again. Live – do it for me…" Alex pleaded, but her voice was strong and stable again.

Marissa simply stared at her for some long moments, as if trying to evaluate what Alex had just told her.

"Okay… For… you…" Marissa finally whispered – and then her eyes unfocused again, as she slumped forward.

Alex caught her softly and held her in her arms for a moment. She inhaled the scent of Marissa's hair and it sent shivers through her body._ Home. She was home._

Alex got up and took the larger girl into her arms. She carried Marissa to the sofa and gently laid her down on it. She brushed over Marissa's face lovingly with her hand.

"You'll be all right," she whispered.

She checked Marissa's pulse and her breathing; they seemed to be alright.

Then she turned away and started to put out the candles and put them aside. She got another towel, wetted it with warm water and then softly cleaned Marissa's arm again, until it was completely blood-free. She got Marissa's pyjamas from her bedroom and gently took off the other girl's partly blood-stained clothes.

Alex couldn't help but let her eyes wander over Marissa's body while cladding her in her nightwear. "Oh, Marissa," she whispered subconsciously, before turning to clean the mess on the floor.

Two months. It had been almost two months now. Two months without awakening with Marissa at her side. Two months without talking to her, without laughing with her, without touching her. Now being this near to her, all of a sudden… it was overwhelming.

It was bittersweet torture. Marissa had talked to her, even smiled at her. The thought of going back to watching her from afar was so incredibly painful, that Alex forbade herself to think of it. Instead she thought of what had just happened and Marissa's words echoed in Alex' head. _Are you an angel?_

It took Alex quite a while to get all the blood off the carpet. When she had finally managed to do so, she went back into the bathroom. The lavatory could have been part of a murder scene, by looks of it. Big red blotches on the white ceramic added to the menacing look of the bloody knife.

Alex washed the knife and then her own hands, considerably more thoroughly this time. She watched in a kind of silent fascination as the dark red color, which flowed down her hands and down the sink, slowly became lighter and finally disappeared altogether.

Alex sighed of a reason unbeknown to herself and then put the clean knife back into the kitchen. She went back into the living room and suddenly realized that though she herself found the temperature quite convenient, it had to be rather cold for Marissa. She quickly shut all the windows and pulled the drapes closed.

She then sat down beside Marissa and watched her for a while, before she finally knelt down next to the sofa to renew the bandages. She worked quickly and clean, without making much of a mess.

After cleaning Marissa's arm one more time, Alex picked her up again and carried her to the bedroom. She pulled the sheets back with one hand and then laid her ex-girlfriend onto the bed, careful not to put any weight on the injured arm. She covered Marissa with the blanket and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

Marissa lay quite still, but Alex trusted her deep breathing to be a sign she would be okay.

The young vampire went back into the living room to put Marissa's bloody clothes and the once-white now-crimson towels away. Then she returned to the bedroom and took her place on a chair next to the bed, where she remained for hours to follow, watching the object of her dreams, the object of her fears, sleep.

Again and again, Alex replayed the situation earlier in her head. _Alex…_ Having heard Marissa say her name once more meant incredibly much to her. _Are you an angel?_

Alex fought against the tears that were forming in her eyes. _You're here to take me home, aren't you_. Silent tears ran down Alex' cheeks now. She had promised herself not to cry anymore. But this was different. These tears weren't tears of anger or self-pity. They were tears of love. _So we can be together again_. Alex shut her eyes tightly, but she didn't even try to hold back the new rush of tears that slowly dripped down her face.

When it finally began to dawn the next morning, Alex stood up and put the chair back where she had gotten it from.

She bent down over Marissa's sleeping form and gently kissed her on the lips.

"This might have been our last kiss," Alex whispered sadly, "but I will love you, forever."_ And only an immortal creature knows what forever really means._

Alex smiled at the sleeping girl for one last time. "I know that sounded cheesy. But that's just how I feel. I wish I could tell you."

Then she left the apartment without making a sound and slowly walked back to the hotel.

Alex had the inexplicable feeling that Marissa would be okay, at least for now – otherwise she wouldn't have left her side.

The young vampire suddenly noticed that there was still a scent of blood around her and realized that there were stains of Marissa's blood on her clothes – and all of a sudden she felt a thirst so strong she had never felt before. She realized how risky it had been – or should have been? – for her to be with Marissa injured so badly. She shivered at the thought of what could have happened… but then again she seemed to have some kind of super control over her blood thirst: she hadn't even thought of attacking Marissa throughout all the night.

"Whatever," Alex growled into the still-darkness outside, her crimson eyes sparkling madly. However important those thoughts were to her, there was something of even more importance at that moment. _She had to hunt. Now._

* * *

A/N: Okay, I learned not to make any promises concerning faster updates… You just never know what life has in store for you…

Btw, if you ever find any mistakes – be it contentwise or grammatical ones – please tell me! Especially if I happen to use an idiom incorrectly… Or if a sentence simply sounds really stupid… You don't have to be afraid to hurt my feelings ;-), I can take criticism. :) I love this language, and I'm grateful for any help to improve my English.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: It's been such a long time since my last update... So I thought a little summary might be helpful.

So here we go! **_Previously on 'Your Shadow in the Moonlight':_** ;-)

Alex and Marissa got back together after the bonfire incident and are a happy couple, until Alex is attacked by a diabolic vampire, Darian. Though she is bitten, another vampire, Victoria, manages to 'save' her before it is too late… and Alex is turned into a vamp herself.

Victoria teaches Alex how to deal with her situation. Marissa, meanwhile, is devastated, and even tries to kill herself with painkillers, only changing her mind in the last second.

Alex keeps an eye on Marissa from afar, not wanting to burden her with the fact that she is now a 'monster' and afraid, blood-thirsty as she is when smelling human blood, that she might attack Marissa.

About two months after Alex' death, Marissa meets a girl, Kate, but they break up before they even really get started, as Marissa realizes she still loves Alex.

Alex, meanwhile, goes to Phoenix with Victoria, in an attempt to find and kill Darian. Victoria has a special gift, which allows her to feel the presence of others of their kind, if they feel thirsty and murderous.

They fail catching Darian, but they meet another vamp, Amy, whom Alex sleeps with. Amy offers Alex to join her as a vampire hunter. But Alex is unable to leave Marissa behind, and returns to the O.C. with Victoria.

Marissa, feeling unable to continue her life without Alex, decides to kill herself one night and cuts herself severely at her wrist. Alex manages to save Marissa from bleeding to death. Marissa sees Alex and mistakes her for an angel, before passing out. Alex makes sure Marissa is alright, then leaves, and is overcome by a sudden thirst. She realizes how dangerous the situation was, but is relieved that it turned out so well – and that she didn't even think about attacking Marissa.

* * *

12

When Marissa began to regain her consciousness, the first thing she noticed was the brightness. Confused, she opened her eyes and immediately blinked several times. Her eyes slowly began to adjust to the bright sunlight that beamed directly onto her face. She looked out of the window and took in the beautiful sight of a cloudless deep blue sky and the sparkling green of the trees.

Marissa smiled, enjoying the beauty of the moment. Her smile, though, disappeared only seconds later when she tried to remember _where she was._

What had happened last night? Marissa closed her eyes in concentration, but only a memory of darkness filled her mind. Darkness and…

She felt a throbbing pain in her left wrist and then everything came crashing down on her.

The reason why this all felt so strange was because she had not expected to ever wake up again. She remembered the candles, the peacefulness, the pain, the relief… and Alex.

Marissa's eyes shot open and she turned her head to stare at her left hand. Her wrist and lower forearm was bandaged, a little red blotch was visible on one spot.

For a short moment Marissa simply felt defeated. She had wanted to die. Who had the right to stop her, to 'save' her?

Alex…

Marissa shook her head, confused. It made no sense. Alex was dead. The strange memories of Alex saving her had to be a dream, a hallucination.

But she had been saved by someone, the bandages were clear evidence.

Maybe Summer had come…? But she couldn't remember her coming, all she could remember was Alex… Alex talking to her, Alex touching her. She had thought she was seeing an angel. But that didn't make sense, now that she had survived.

But if Summer, or anyone else had come, they would have surely taken her to a hospital, or would have at least stayed here with her…

"Summer?" Marissa croaked. She cleared her throat and called out her best friend's name more loudly this time.

"Summer!_ Hello?_ Anyone here?"

Marissa shook her head again. What the hell had happened last night? Alex… she couldn't be…

Marissa got up and flinched when she accidentally put weight on her injured hand. She noticed she was wearing her night gown, but she was sure she had not put it on the night before – more evidence that someone must have been here.

She took a walk through her whole apartment, but she was alone – there wasn't even a note.

Icy chills ran down Marissa's spine. It made no sense. Alex was dead, she had seen her corpse on the street two months ago. _She had been at her burial, for god's sake._

But the more she thought about it, the surer she became that Alex had been there the night before. Alex had come, Alex had saved her, had asked her not to give up.

Marissa stood in the middle of her living room, feeling completely lost. She gently touched her wrist. Alex had bandaged it. She remembered it so clearly…

"Oh God, am I going insane?" Marissa asked desperately.

She sat down on her sofa and replayed the night in her head.

She remembered Alex' familiar face so close to her own, her sparkling green eyes full of concern. Now that she thought about it more thoroughly, Alex had looked somewhat ill. She had been very pale and there had been dark lines beneath her eyes. And her hair… The usual blonde had been replaced by pitch-black. _And what about the purple streak? Had it still been there? _Marissa strained her mind, but she couldn't remember…

She sighed. It all seemed so real. It couldn't just have been a dream, could it? But it couldn't be reality, either.

She warned herself not to build up any false hopes… but it was too late. A sparkle of hope had been ignited in her chest – and suddenly she felt herself being filled with new energy, with new life.

She quickly got her mobile and dialled Summer's number. She chatted with her for a few minutes, making small talk. Then she called her mother, indulging some more in small talk. After those conversations, Marissa was absolutely sure that neither Summer nor any other friend or family member had come over last night. It hadn't been Summer nor her mother that had bandaged her hand.

It had been Alex.

Alex was alive.

A sudden warmth spread through Marissa's body, as she caressed her bandaged hand once more. The bandages were real. She couldn't have put them to her arm herself – that was impossible.

So Alex had to be alive. There was no alternative.

_She's alive_. Marissa body tingled with excitement and hope. _Alex. Alive._

* * *

Not a single wisp clouded the sky and the sea sparkled brilliantly in the bright sunlight. Marissa walked down the beach, enjoying the feeling of sand beneath her feet, the wind in her hair and the sun burning down on her shoulders and face. In short – she enjoyed the feeling of being alive.

She felt as if she had been asleep for a thousand years and was now awakening. _No_, she felt as if she had been reborn.

She saw the world through different eyes – everything seemed new and exciting. She even laughed out loud when she saw two dogs chasing each other.

The beach was filled with people. Happy couples, holding hands. Children playing.

Wherever she looked, Marissa saw nothing but life. So much life.

And she was part of that again.

And Alex. _Alex was alive._

By now, Marissa was completely sure of that. And if it proved to be wrong, and Alex was dead after all, well, she could always still end her life.

But as long as there was any hope – and hope there was! Marissa felt it in every inch of her body – she would live.

Yes, she would live, and she would find Alex Kelly.

It all still seemed so strange, but she would find out soon enough what had really happened – Marissa was sure of that.

Walking along that beach, Marissa couldn't help but think that if she was to die now, at least she had felt one more time what it was like to experience the pure happiness of living.

* * *

Later in the afternoon, Marissa went home, after having walked around outside for a couple of hours. She considered meeting with Summer and telling her everything, but she decided against it. If she couldn't even really understand the situation herself, how was Summer supposed to believe her?

So instead of calling her best friend, Marissa took out a little box in which she kept photos of Alex.

She looked at them, one by one, reminiscing all the memories connected with the pictures.

As the evening slowly began to draw closer, Marissa began to feel more and more excited.

She restored the photographs into the box, went into the bathroom and hopped under the shower. She washed her hair with Alex' favorite shampoo and even shaved her legs – you never knew.

Excitement, hope, happiness, nervousness, fear – Marissa felt as if her feelings were about to tear her apart.

She put on a skirt and one of her favorite t-shirts – which actually belonged to Alex.

Marissa lighted some candles in the living room, then sat down on the sofa, and began to wait…

After about half an hour, Marissa started reading Alex' extreme sports magazine once more.

She glanced at her watch, again and again, and slowly, so very painfully slowly, the evening passed by…

Marissa put on music, read another magazine; at some point she even began reading a novel – quite half-heartedly, though.

From time to time, she would get up from the sofa, walk up to one of the windows which she had left wide open, and stare outside into the darkness.

But Alex was nowhere in sight.

Midnight passed… One a.m. … The candles had gone out a long time ago … Two a.m. …

* * *

Marissa awoke with a start, when she heard her mobile ringing.

Groaning, she reached for her phone, which was apparently lying on the floor next to the sofa, on which she had apparently fallen asleep on.

"Hello?" she mumbled, holding the phone to her ear, still refusing to open her eyes to the evidently bright room.

"Hey honey! It's me. Just calling to check up on you. Are you doing fine, sweetie?"

"Mom," Marissa groaned, theoretically rolling her eyes, but still keeping them closed. "Yeah, I'm fine… Actually, I was fine until you called. I'm sleeping!"

"Oh, sorry honey! But you know, it's almost noon. I was thinking you'd maybe like to join me for a little shopping tour? I saw these gorgeous shoes the other day, I'm sure you'd just love them! But I wasn't sure about the –"

"MOM!"

"– color… what?"

"Seriously, I'm still sleeping! And I don't feel like shopping right now!"

"Okay, hon, no need to bitch!"

"Yeah, whatever, we'll meet some other time, alright?"

"Okay, just give me a call…"

"I will, bye mom!"

"Bye, Mari-" That was the last thing Marissa heard before she hung up.

She threw her cell phone aside and sat up on the sofa, taking a long look around the living room.

She was alone. Alex had not turned up.

Marissa felt as if the whole world came crashing down on her. All her hope – crushed to pieces.

Tears started running down Marissa's cheeks uncontrolled; tears of disappointment – and of sadness.

"FUCK," she yelled jumping to her feet and kicking at a rucksack which was lying around.

"FUCK," she yelled once more – apparently the rucksack was filled with something hard and heavy, maybe a couple of large books.

As Marissa sat back down, rubbing her foot in pain, she slowly began to calm down again. A plan was beginning to form in her head.

_Yes, that could work,_ she thought. And if it didn't… Well, either way, she'd be with Alex again tonight, in what form so ever.

* * *

The day passed painfully slowly. Marissa spoke to Summer on the phone, but refused to meet her, saying she wasn't feeling well and needed some rest. Summer was not all too happy about it, but she finally gave in after making her best friend promise to call her first thing the next morning.

Marissa, though she didn't want to admit it to herself, was afraid that seeing Summer might make her waver in her decision to put everything at stake.

I_ will keep to my promise and call her tomorrow,_ Marissa thought as she began lighting her candles once more in the evening. _I'll keep to my promise – if I can._

_But in case I can't…_ Marissa took out some paper and a pen. _At least I owe her some kind of explanation._

After Marissa had finished the letter – which took quite a while – she slipped it into a white envelope she labelled 'Summer' and put it onto her bed. Then she went back into the living room and waited patiently for time to pass. She looked at some pictures and once more allowed herself to dwell on the past.

When the clock turned to midnight, Marissa couldn't help but sigh out loud. _It was time._

She lighted a few more candles and made sure that one window was open, the curtains drawn aside. The beauty of the dark night sky, illuminated only by the bright moon, mesmerized her for a moment. Then a wisp of cloud moved and seemingly swallowed the moon, leaving behind an almost pitch-black sky.

Marissa sighed once more and turned away. She went to get the last thing she'd need tonight; then she sat down on the floor amidst the burning candles.

She closed her eyes and breathed in and out deeply a few times.

"Alex," she whispered in quiet determination, her fingers closing around the knife firmly. "I'm coming."

* * *

A/N: Finally, I've managed to finish this chapter!! Wow… I really wish I had more time for writing. Oh well, I hope you guys haven't lost interest in my story.

Dammit, I really hope I'll get round to writing the next chapter soon… Just know that even if I take ages to update, I _will_ update again!

Just four more months of school… then I'm finished. Wow.

So much has happened in the last weeks and months… Obama's president! Hope he'll bring some serious change to America.

Well, anyway, hope you enjoyed the update!

- Elanor


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I am soo sorry for taking this long to update! I can't believe it's been months…

There's a summary of the first 11 chapters at the beginning of chapter 12. And here's a short summary of chapter 12:

The next morning Marissa wakes up, and though she is confused at first, she finally accepts that Alex has really been with her the previous night. So she concludes that Alex has to be alive. That evening she waits for her until late in the night, but Alex doesn't turn up.

The next evening, Marissa waits for her again…

"Alex," she whispers in quiet determination, her fingers closing around the knife firmly. "I'm coming."

* * *

13

Alex lay on the bed of her motel room, staring at the ceiling. She replayed the night's events in her head for the thousandth time – and still she didn't know what to think.

She had talked to Marissa… She had touched her face – and Marissa had touched hers.

She had bandaged Marissa's wounds, wiped away her spilled blood. And yet, the thought of attacking her had never even come to her mind. How was that possible?

Shivering, Alex remembered the other times she had smelled human blood. She had always been able to control herself in the end, but she had sure enough felt the power the red fluid of life had over her.

Alex thought back to the moment when she had entered Marissa's living room through the window and seen her with all the blood… And, yes, she had smelled it. But all she had felt in that moment had been worry for the girl she loved.

Only much later that night, when Alex had left the house, she had felt herself being overcome by bloodlust and had quickly found herself an animal to feed on. She still hated that part of being a vampire, but she had more or less accepted it as part of who she was.

Alex thought of all the poor, helpless animals she had killed by now, and silently prayed for their souls. Not that she was religious, but she did believe that all living creatures had souls. Alex quickly pushed aside those thoughts, when the question whether vampires had souls, too, began to gnaw at her mind.

Suddenly exhausted, the once-blonde-girl-now-dark-haired-vampire closed her eyes and was soon embraced by a deep dreamless sleep.

*

The sound of a door creaking open made Alex wake with a start. She sat up straight in her bed, alert as if she was expecting a murderer to enter the room.

"Dammit, Victoria," Alex breathed out, "you scared the shit out of me."

Victoria closed the door behind her and the motel room, which had been illuminated by sunlight for a couple of seconds, became pitch-black again. But Alex' eyes were no longer dependant on light, and so she didn't miss the grin on the other vampire's face.

"Hey, good day to you, too. And sorry – I would have been more quiet, if I had suspected you'd still be asleep at this time."

Alex frowned, rubbing her temples. The night's events had been truly exhausting – not that she minded, when exhausting meant seeing Marissa.

"Why, what time is it?"

"It's quarter past one. The sun's up high, and it's a gorgeous day!"

Victoria sighed contently and Alex gawked at her for a moment, before bursting out in laughter.

"Vic, what's up with you today? What did you do last night, that you're in such high spirits now?"

"Oh, never mind, it's not important," Victoria said smiling.

Alex frowned, and her frown deepened when her thoughts returned to Marissa and the events of the night before.

"So how come you're still in bed at this hour?" Victoria asked, her smile making way for a frown of her own. "Did you spend the whole night watching Marissa again?"

"Well, it's a bit more complicated than that…" Alex sighed, and quickly gave Victoria a summarized version of what had happened.

"Yup, that was my night," Alex finally finished. "So she saw me. But I'm not sure if she'll remember. She was not in her right mind."

They both fell silent for a moment, but when Alex saw that Victoria was about to say something, she quickly changed the subject. She did not feel like talking about Marissa anymore – her thoughts were too confusing.

"You know what I realized yesterday? I need a job! I mean, how am I supposed to live once you leave the O.C.?!"

Victoria gave Alex, who now bore a desperate expression, a thorough glance.

"Well, there is a possibility… But don't worry, even if we part ways, I could continue supporting you. Money's not really such a problem…"

"I really appreciate that… But, come on, I can't live off your money forever," Alex replied, shuddering involuntarily had her phrase. Forever was such a strong word. "What kind of 'possibility' were you talking about?"

Victoria looked at her intently for another moment. "How about you get dressed, and we'll talk about it then. You might not like my proposal, but it won't hurt you to listen to it."

Alex nodded and tried to suppress a yawn. "Okay. But give me a few minutes, alright? I want to jump under the shower quickly."

*

Some twenty minutes later, Alex and Victoria were both getting into a new car that Victoria had rented.

"Nice one," Alex said grinning. It was a shiny black Mercedes, obviously expensive. "But don't you think the tinted windows are a bit too obvious?"

Victoria grinned back at her. "Not really. It seems like every second car here is owned by paranoid people who don't want others to peek through their windows. It's probably more inconspicuous than that old Golf I had before."

"Actually, you're probably right," Alex said, frowning again. "So… spill it out, what do you want to tell me?"

"Well actually, I want to introduce you to someone. That's were we're going. To meet him."

Victoria stared the engine and drove off the parking lot, in silence.

Alex stared at her slightly irritated, but her eyes shimmering with curiosity. "Is that all you're gonna tell me now?"

Victoria flashed Alex an apologizing smile. "No. Sorry, I just spaced out for a moment…

"The man I want to introduce you to is Marc Jackson, a federal agent. He leads a special unit… And I cooperate with him. In return he provides me with any technology and so on I might find useful. He knows."

Alex looked at her in surprise. "He knows you're a vampire?"

"Yes."

"But he is human?"

"Yes."

Alex turned away and stared out of her window up at the blue sky, lost in thought. She took a strand of black hair between her finger and turned and twisted it subconsciously.

Victoria sent her a sideways glance, about to say something, but changed her mind and left Alex to her day-dreaming.

The two vampires talked little during their drive to LA, but neither of them minded the silence. Soon they reached the city and finally Victoria parked the car in front of one of countless skyscrapers.

They got out and walked up to the front door. Victoria barely glanced at the dozens of name tags on the wall, but instantly found the correct bell.

"Does he live here?" Alex asked.

"No. Not really. This apartment belongs to his department of the agency."

"Right."

There was a rustling noise and a mechanic-sounding voice demanded "Yes?"

"It is I and the girl," Victoria replied perfectly calm. A buzzing added to the other millions of sounds filling this busy street of LA, and Victoria pushed the door open. Alex entered behind her and followed her to the elevator, becoming more nervous with every step.

"Vic, are you really sure this is a good idea? I mean I'm supposed to be dead… Showing myself to the police seems kind of foolish to me."

"Alex." Victoria's voice sounded so serious and was so full of authority that Alex felt forced to look the older vampire straight in the eye. "I know this man, I know this business. Trust me."

Alex stared at her for another long moment. "Okay," she finally said, and merely a second later the elevator came to a stop with a high-pitched 'ding' in the 25th floor.

Alex followed Victoria out of the elevator and down the hall, then they stopped in front of a black door, which looked exactly like all the other doors on this floor. There was no name tag to indicate that this was the correct apartment.

Victoria raised her hand and knocked lightly, twice, and Alex marvelled at the contrast of Victoria's white skin against the black.

The door opened seconds later to reveal a tall black man standing in the doorway. He was quite young, Alex registered in surprise – she had somehow expected a severe-faced white guy in his fifty's who smelled of cigarettes and was clad in a Sherlock Holmes styled outfit.

But this man, though he bore a quite earnest expression, had friendly eyes and Alex felt that she immediately liked him.

He smiled at Victoria, and they shook hands. Alex couldn't help but smile at them both and in that moment she wished she had a camera on her. The picture was beautiful: white-skinned Victoria clad all in black clasping the hand of the black-skinned man, who was wearing a white suit.

"Geez, I think we could win an anti-racism arts prize with this picture!" Alex said, and raised her hands pretending to take a picture with an imaginary camera.

"Well, this is an old joke between us," the man said, gesturing towards his white suit, a smile on his lips. "So you must be Ms. Kelly," he added.

"I prefer 'Alex'," she responded, shaking his offered hand.

"I am Marc Jackson. Call me Marc. And come on in, both of you."

Victoria closed the door behind them and locked it twice before following Marc and Alex into the living room. "Here, take a seat. Would you like anything to drink…" Marc broke off and scratched his head in embarrassment. "Sorry, never mind. My mother really drummed those rules of politeness into me, I just can't seem to get used to not needing to apply them sometimes."

They all sat down and there was a moment of silence.

"Sooo," Marc finally began, "I don't know how much Victoria told you…"

"Not much," Alex said.

"Alright. Well, I'm not quite sure where to start… At the beginning, I guess. As you know there are different types of vampires. Vampires like Victoria and yourself that are so to speak still human. And then there are other vampires, ruthless murderers – one of which you have, of course, met.

"These vampires are a threat to all normal citizens – who of course must never find out about your existence. Imagine the chaos such a revelation would cause. People would cease to trust their own neighbours, friends, family."

Marc paused, seemingly lost in thought for a moment. Then he cleared his throat and continued: "So it is our job to hunt down the vampires and to get rid of them – while making sure that the people do not get wind of it. The last part we manage quite well, and also the killing is not so much the problem. But as to the hunting… That is were vampires like Victoria here kick in. We need her vampire senses to identify and locate killer-vamps."

Alex nodded slowly. "So what exactly does all this have to do with me?" she asked, although she did quite well have an idea were this conversation was headed.

Marc looked at her directly. "I hereby offer you a job. Help us with the vampire hunt. It's not easy to find trustworthy vampires. But Victoria trusts you – and thus I do, too."

"I… I…" Although Alex had expected this, she didn't know what to answer – her thoughts whirled around madly in her head.

"You don't have to decide just now. I'm just asking you to think about it. But you know, it could be a chance for you to start over. To give your life a new meaning. It'd be part of our service to you to supply you with a new identification – that way you could actually be a legal citizen again. And the pay, is good, too," Marc added grinning.

Alex smiled weakly. The offer sounded quite good, actually…

"If you should agree to join us, you would first of all undergo a training, for about a year. And then you could travel the world at your will, and help rid the world of ruthless monsters."

Alex inhaled deeply. "And were would this training take place?"

"Well… Either here in LA or in New York City – whichever you'd prefer."

"That wouldn't be a though choice," Alex muttered. She sighed. "I really don't know if I can do this," she said more loudly, thinking of Marissa.

"As I said, take your time to decide."

"Yes." Alex was suddenly feeling uneasy – she had been away from the O.C. far too long already._ Who knows what Marissa is up to after what happened last night_, Alex thought. She stood up and cleared her throat.

Marc blinked and shot Victoria a surprised glance - but Victoria was looking at Alex, evidently comprehending what was going on in the younger vampire's mind.

"I think we shall get going, shall we not?" Victoria asked.

Alex nodded, and Victoria and Marc got up as well. The latter approached Alex in a few quick steps.

"Here take my card, and just give me a call if you like. We'd be grateful to have you."

Alex nodded and pocketed the card with Marc's number.

The three went to the door, and Alex shook Marc's hand before walking out into the hall.

"I will hear from you, I suppose," Marc said quietly to Victoria, and Alex had the sudden feeling that this was a private moment for the two. She walked over to the elevator and then turned in time to see Victoria and Marc embracing each other. Moments later Victoria was standing next to her, and they both waved good-bye before the doors of the elevator shut Marc from sight.

Soon, they were both sitting in the car, driving back to Orange County. Alex looked out of the window, staring at all the normal people. She had always thought it to be a good thing not being too 'normal', too mainstream. Even for her taste, though, her situation now was definitely too _abnormal_.

She thought of Marissa, and was suddenly filled with such a strong desire she had not felt in a long time. _I miss her so badly_, she thought sadly. _I want to wake up in the mornings with her in my arms again._

"So, what are you going to do about your girl?" Victoria asked softly.

"I don't know," Alex sighed, but she was relieved that Victoria was not questioning her about what she thought about the job offer – she would need some time to think about that. "I really don't know."

Suddenly remembering something, Alex turned to face Victoria. "How come I didn't try to attack Marissa when I smelled her blood? You said young vampires can hardly control their bloodlust."

"Yeah, I said that," Victoria said slowly. "And I think that's the way it usually is. But you seem to have extraordinary control… That is a useful gift – a gift that could enable you to let Marissa be a part of your life."

"No," Alex said immediately. "No. She deserves better."

*

Once they were back at the motel, Alex didn't waste any time. She took the car and started driving towards Marissa's home. At some point, she looked out of the window – and straight into a familiar face. Shocked, Alex slammed the accelerator pedal. She glanced into her sideways mirror, and there was no mistaking: There was Sandy Cohen, walking down the street. She wasn't quite sure whether she was just imagining it, but he seemed to stare at her car rather surprised.

Alex shuddered, but continued her way nonetheless. She drove past the apartment slowly, and sure enough she saw Marissa opening the door and slipping inside just that moment.

Alex nodded to herself. _Marissa was alright_. She turned around and drove back to the motel. She thought of Sandy and shuddered again. She had to be more careful.

She would go back to Marissa later that evening, when night had fallen. She would go by foot and then watch her love through the windows, until she went to sleep.

And the next evening she would do the same thing. And the next, and the next, and the next, and the one after that.

What else was there to do, really? Marissa was the only thing in Alex' existence that had any meaning.

Alex sighed, rubbing her cold arms_. If her heart was dead, how come it could still hurt so badly, even after all this time?_

_

* * *

  
_

A/N: Thanks for reading, even tough it took me so long to write this! The next chap is almost ready for posting, and there will definitely be more Alex/Marissa! =)

Oh, and one more thing:

I really had to laugh out loud when I read Zoey's review ("Marissa isn't gay, you're gay. Stop writing for this ship, it ain't ever gonna happen. Ryan and Marissa go way back.") … And I really want to thank her here for pointing out the fact that I'm gay. I would have never realized it without her.

Though that review really made my day (seriously, I was in a bad mood before…^^ But when I read it, I instantly showed it to my sister, and we had a good laugh together), I find it kind of sad how so many people still have a problem with homosexuality. Luckily, I live in a tolerant city (even our mayor is gay!) – but actually I hate the fact that we have to be 'tolerated' at all.

Oh well… I could go on with this topic forever, but I guess this is not really why you're reading this. ;)

Cheers!

- Elanor


	14. Chapter 14

14

_She wasn't coming._ That realization made Marissa feel as if someone had just torn out her heart. Again.

The excitement that she had felt only seconds before evaporated into nothingness, and suddenly she was perfectly calm. _So this was the end._

Marissa had been sitting there on her living room floor for a long time, hoping Alex would come to save her. But she wasn't coming.

Clutching the knife tighter, she put it to her wrist, exactly were the fresh scars were painfully visible. She closed her eyes. "You're not coming to me," Marissa mumbled. "So I am coming to you."

Marissa took a deep breath, but then hesitated a second, and another, and then –

"– No, don't!"

Marissa's eyes shot open just in time to see a dark figure jumping in through the open window. Within a fraction of a second, the person was kneeling in front of her.

Marissa slowly dropped the knife and stared at the more than familiar face.

"Alex," Marissa whispered. She cautiously stretched out her hand, as if she feared the girl would disappear if she moved too quickly, and then tenderly touched her hair.

"So it _is _black."

A little smile brightened up Alex' pale face. "Yeah, it is," she said.

They stared at each other for another long moment, in silence, then Alex softly put her fingers to Marissa's mistreated wrist.

"Please – don't do this again," Alex said quietly.

Marissa nodded slowly, then, as if awakening, she suddenly shook her head.

"Alex, what's happening? I'm not dreaming, I know I'm not. You saved my life two nights ago, and now you're here again."

"Yes," Alex whispered – that was all she managed to say.

The confusion Marissa felt was written all over her face. "But… But _how_?" she demanded. "I-I saw you on th-the street. You were dead, for God's sake!" Marissa's voice had been rising with every word, and now she was actually yelling. "You were dead, Alex! I saw the blood around your head, I held your lifeless body! I was at your funeral, I cried at your grave!"

Tears of anger and desperation were rolling down Marissa's face, and Alex just sat there, paralysed. "_How_? How can it be? Damn it, fuck! How could you do something like that to me?"

Marissa closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears from falling, and before she had opened them again she felt strong arms enclose her. A shudder ran through her body, and sobbing she pressed her face against the other girl's shoulder. She inhaled the scent that was so unmistakably Alex', and eventually her breathing slowed again.

"I am so sorry, Marissa," Alex said, and when Marissa let her go to look her in the eye, Marissa saw that she was not the only one crying.

"I wish this hadn't happened. I wish so badly that everything could be like before. That we could be like before."

Marissa saw not only sadness in Alex' eyes, but also incredible pain and desperation.

"It'll be okay," Marissa said softly, suddenly feeling that it was her turn to do the comforting.

"We'll be alright. You're here, that's all that matters."

Alex closed her eyes. "No. You don't understand. We can't be together anymore. You –You have to forget me."

Marissa suddenly felt sick, as if she'd have to throw up any minute. She slowly stood up, and Alex followed suit. "Why are you saying that? Damn it, Alex! You fucking owe me an explanation!"

Alex flinched at Marissa's angry voice, and Marissa shook her head in confusion. Marissa took her hand in hers. "Do you love me?" she asked straight out.

Alex, who had been staring at the floor, jerked her head up. "Of course I do," she said quietly. "More than Anything."

"Then… Then tell me the truth."

Alex' breathing quickened, and suddenly something in her face changed. Her sadness seemed to be replaced by anger – and hatred?

Alex pulled her hand away from Marissa's soft grip and took a step backward. Marissa shuddered.

"So, you want to know the truth? I'll tell you. I am a monster, Marissa, nothing but a fucking monster! I kill animals and drink their blood. Do you want to know why? How it began? Some bastard jammed his dirty fangs into my neck and sucked the life out of my body. But I didn't die. Nor did I really survive. I'm just a monster, nothing more…"

Alex' anger disappeared as quickly as it had come, and now she just stood there, staring into nothingness. And yet her shoulders were straight and there was a hardness in her face that never used to be there.

Marissa didn't know what to think. Alex was telling the truth, Alex would never lie to her – of that Marissa was positive. But still, it simply made no sense.

Completely confused, Marissa did the only thing she could think of and put her hands on Alex' waist.

"Marissa…"

"Shhh."

Marissa's face was moving closer to hers, and Alex had to muster up all her willpower to stop herself from giving in to her carnal desire.

"No, wait, Marissa – don't you understand?" Alex voice had adopted a desperately pleading tone. "I'm a _vampire_! Here, look!"

Alex opened her mouth slightly, and her pointed canine teeth became clearly visible.

"Oh, wow," Marissa mumbled, touching one of the teeth with her finger. The thoughts whirled around inside Marissa's head. Vampires didn't exist. But Alex seemed to be one – that kind of explained everything. Something in Marissa wanted to turn away and run from this unreal situation. But then again, Alex was here, alive, and that was all that mattered, really.

"Just be sure you don't hurt me," Marissa whispered, and then she pressed her lips to Alex'.

For a split second, Alex stiffened, but then she let go of everything she had been holding back. She cupped Marissa's face and kissed her back passionately.

Soon they had forgotten everything around them, and when they finally let go of each other, both of their lips were heavily bruised. Marissa put off the remaining candles that had not gone out on their own and then took hold of Alex' hand, pulling her toward the bedroom.

"I'm not sure this is –" Alex began, but Marissa shushed her – and Alex did not try to stop her again.

Alex resumed kissing Marissa, and when they had reached the bed, she picked up the taller girl seemingly without any effort and softly lay her down on the bed.

Time seemed to stand still while the two young women indulged in their love, soon forgetting the sorrow of the last months in each others arms.

*

Marissa yawned and turned over. She felt strangely peaceful, and suddenly she remembered what had happened the previous night. She swallowed hard and felt fear creep into her heart.

She opened her eyes – and then a huge smile appeared on her lips.

Alex was there. She was sleeping, lying on her stomach, her face turned away from Marissa.

Marissa sat up and blinked a few times, her eyes adjusting to the bright bedroom. She bent over Alex and looked at the face of her sleeping love.

And then all color drained from Marissa's face at the sight in front of her: Alex was so pale she seemed almost white, and she wasn't moving. With a trembling hand Marissa touched Alex' wrist. No heartbeat. No breath.

"Alex, no, please," Marissa pleaded desperately, grabbing Alex' shoulders and shaking her.

Alex' eyes shot open. "Marissa! What's up, is something wrong?" she asked alarmed.

But Marissa just stared at her in shock.

"A-Alex! I-I thought you w-were dead…You weren't breathing, and I-I didn't find a pulse…"

"Oh Marissa," Alex said, and sighing, she sat up, too. "I know this is difficult to understand, but I am not alive. May heart has stopped beating months ago, and it is not necessary for me to breathe."

Marissa stared at her in horror for a whole minute, and her face was now nearly as white as Alex'.

"I-I need to go," she finally stuttered. Jumping out of the bed, she grabbed her clothes and stormed out of the room.

She pulled on her clothes as quickly as her shaking hands allowed her. Not long afterwards, she was sitting in her car, driving, trying to escape from reality.

Marissa didn't know where to go – but she was well aware that she was in no good condition to drive.

_The beach_. That seemed like the right place for her to be, and sure enough as soon as she felt the sand beneath her toes, she felt herself calm down somewhat. This was a place she knew, it was real, it was good.

Marissa sat down and then began to try to sort out her thoughts.

Alex… She remembered the night, the way they had touched each other – it had been so wonderful, so exhilarating, so _familiar_.

Then the picture of a pale, unmoving Alex came to Marissa's mind again, followed by the memory of holding Alex' lifeless body on the street months ago… Her beautiful green eyes wide open, unseeing…

Marissa turned her body sideways just in time, and vomited onto the sand.

Shaking, she stood up and walked down to the shore. She bent down and gathered some salty water in her hands. She wiped her mouth clean, and then washed her face.

She sat back down on the sand and, shaking harder than ever, she began to cry.

As the tears flowed freely down her cheeks, Marissa slowly began to understand her own emotions. And finally she knew what she had to do.

*

Merely a minute after Marissa had left the bedroom Alex heard the front door slam shut, and she flinched. But it was the following silence that was truly unbearable.

Alex was not even able to cry. _She was a monster, and it seemed Marissa had finally understood._

_

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_

A/N: Ok, this chapter was rather short – but hey, at least it was a quick update, right? =)

Thank you all very much for reviewing, it means a lot.

I don't know how long it'll take me to update again, but I'll try my best.

Cheers!

- Elanor

*

… Oh, and I can't help but to mention: Tarja Turunen is an amazing singer, especially live.

I sometimes really don't know how I would survive this world without music.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: I'm soo sorry that it took me half a year to update! But I'm glad I've finally found the time to do so... In case my faithful readers haven't lost their interest in this story after such a long time: There's a **summary** of the first eleven chapters in chapter 12, and here follows a summary of chapters 12 -14:

The next morning Marissa wakes up, and though she is confused at first, she finally accepts that Alex has really been with her the previous night. So she concludes that Alex has to be alive. That evening she waits for her until late in the night, but Alex doesn't turn up.

The next evening, Marissa waits for her again...

"Alex," she whispers in quiet determination, her fingers closing around the knife firmly. "I'm coming."

Alex realizes that she needs a job, as she doesn't want to live off Victoria's generosity forever. Victoria takes her to LA to meet Marc, who leads a special vampire-hunting-unit. He offers Alex a special training and subsequently a job as a vampire hunter. Alex promises to think about it.

After they return to the O.C., Alex pays Marissa a visit, as she wants to make sure that she's alright. She arrives in last minute to stop Marissa from another suicide attempt.

Marissa demands to hear the truth, and Alex finally tells her that she is a vampire. They kiss and end up sleeping with each other.

The next morning Marissa wakes up beside an apparently lifeless Alex, and she panics. Alex wakes up and tries to calm Marissa, who is completely confused and finally leaves the house.

Alex was not even able to cry. _She was a monster, and it seemed Marissa had finally understood._

_

* * *

_15

_Just be sure you don't hurt me_. Those words still rang in Alex' head. Too late. She had hurt her again. _I should have never shown myself to her again,_ Alex thought miserably.

She had now been pacing up and down her motel room for nearly an hour, trying to sort out her thoughts and feelings.

_I should have somehow anonymously alarmed Summer – she could have taken care of Marissa. But no – I was egoistic enough to do it myself. And now I have managed to hurt her, again._

"FUCK," Alex yelled and boxed into the nearest wall. She didn't even notice the pain in her raw knuckles, and hit the wall again, and again.

Several more minutes passed until Alex slowly began to register what she as doing. Breathing heavily, she closed her eyes and silently counted to ten.

When she opened her eyes again she was actually surprised to see a dint in the wall, splattered with – not much, but anyhow a few drops of – blood.

Alex groaned – she was evidently still far from having her temper under control. She went into the bathroom and while she was letting cold water flow over her sore hand, she heard a knock on the door.

"Hang on a sec," she called out. Victoria must have forgotten her keys, Alex figured. She had told the older vampire what had happened earlier on, and as ever so often, Victoria had patiently listened. It had felt good to tell someone about it, but afterwards Alex had felt the need to be alone – so Victoria had gone out to somewhere, in order to give her some space.

Alex carefully dried her hand with a white towel. Not a speck of red, she registered as she put it back. She walked over to the motel room door and opened it.

"Hey, did you for---"

"Hi, Alex," came Marissa's breathless voice.

Alex just stared at her, motionless.

"How come...Why... I... How – How did you find me here?" Alex finally managed to articulate.

"Well... someone you know rather well just paid me a visit," Marissa said with a slightly thoughtful voice.

_After she had sat at the beach for a while and had more or less calmed down, Marissa had gone back to the apartment, hoping beyond hope that Alex was still there. But – of course – she had found the house empty._

_She had felt a new wave of despair wash upon her – how ever was she supposed to talk to Alex again?_

_A knock on the door had broken the silence in the dark living room, making Marissa flinch. She jumped up and ripped open the door._

"_Al--" But there stood not Alex, but another woman she had never seen before._

"_I... Sorry, I was...," Marissa stumbled, then she shook her head and cleared her throat, "What do you want?"_

"_I am here to help you," the woman said, a smile spreading on her lips. With a strange feeling of foreboding, Marissa switched on the light. A part of her noted that the woman in front of her had to be one of the most beautiful people she had ever seen. But it was the woman's mouth she was staring at, or more precisely the two sharp, white canine teeth._

"_I see that you understand," the woman said softly. Surprise had by now left Marissa's face – the only emotions visible now were horror and fear._

"_You do not need to fear me. I am a friend of Alex'. And it was not me who attacked her."_

_Marissa stared at her for another moment, then she slowly nodded. "Would you like to come in...?"_

Alex' eyes widened in surprise. "You met Victoria?"

Marissa nodded, her eyes never leaving Alex'. "Yes. She filled me in on some more details on what actually happened to you... And she told me that I'd find you here."

Alex felt a painful sensation in her chest. "She had no right to do that," Alex said heavily. "You should not be here. Don't let all this crap affect you. Return to a normal life – you deserve that. Don't worry about me. I understand why you're disgusted. I'm a monster, I don't belong in you're life."

"No, Alex--"

"Really Marissa, I understand why you left earlier. You deserve to lead a normal life..."

"Damn it, Alex! You don't understand at all! I didn't leave because you're a _vampire_. I don't care about that! What I _do_ care about is _you_! I thought you were dead, for fuck's sake! I thought so _again_!"

Alex just stared at Marissa, once again at loss for words.

"Alex, don't you get it, I'm sick of losing you. I love you."

"But... I'm a monster... You deserve better..."

"So you keep saying. But you know what would really make you a monster? If you'd make me leave and break my heart all over again," Marissa said dryly.

Alex stood still, as if rooted to the spot. Marissa, who now had tears running down her cheeks, slowly stepped forward until the space between the two girls had become very small.

"Marissa...," Alex croaked.

"Please, don't send me away," Marissa stumbled, "Give us a chance. We'll--"

"Shhh," Alex said and softly wiped away Marissa's tears. She gave Marissa another long and intense stare, and then pressed her lips to Marissa's.

Suddenly, Marissa's arms were around her and the two girls stood there in the doorway, locked in a strong embrace, lips never parting.

*

The sound of waves crashing down on the shore filled the silence of the night. Alex and Marissa were sitting at the deserted beach, hand in hand, watching the sea. Marissa was resting her head on Alex' shoulder, and Alex was leaning her own head back against it.

After Marissa had appeared on Alex' doorstep, the rest of the day had gone by quickly, with them talking for hours.

They had only dared to leave the house after night had fallen, and now they were silently enjoying each other's company.

Marissa sighed. "What's going to happen now?" she asked quietly.

"Who knows," Alex muttered.

A few moments of silence passed, then Alex spoke again. "Victoria knows this man, Marc, who leads a kind of unit that hunts vampires – vampires like the one who attacked me. They asked me to join."

Marissa lifted her head and turned her head to stare at Alex. Her face was full of fear, and Alex, noticing this, gave Marissa's hand a squeeze and quickly added: "Don't worry. I will never leave you again. I swear."

Marissa nodded slowly, and her expression became softer again. "So what about the vampire hunting?"

"Well, I'd have to undergo a training before I can actually go and hunt vampires. In LA. That'd take about a year..."

"I'll graduate from high school in about a year," Marissa said thoughtfully.

Alex smiled at her. "Exactly..."

"You know, I've been thinking about studying journalism for a while now... If I'd work as a journalist one day, I could go with you, wherever you'd have to go."

Alex gave Marissa a surprised look, which slowly turned into another smile. "We could travel the world together."

"But I'd have to go to college for at least three years," Marissa said, frowning.

"Well," Alex said slowly, "We could move to another state, somewhere where no one knows us... I can't walk on the streets openly here. You could study journalism... And I could improve my combat skills and just work, earn some money. And I guess I could go on a 'mission' from time to time, to help Marc and Victoria to hunt down a vampire. I'm sure they would grant me some more time before I begin to work full-time as a vampire hunter."

"Yeah... As long as you don't stay away for too long, I'll allow you to go on missions," Marissa said, smirking.

"Oh, so that's how things are going to be from now on? You're going to be the mistress, controlling your poor wife?" Alex asked grinning.

"_Wife_?" Marissa asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, I'm not planing on ever letting you go or leaving you again," Alex said matter-of-factly.

The two girls smiled at each other, and Marissa lay her head on Alex' shoulder again.

A wave crashed down at the shore. Then another, and another.

"Tide just turned," Alex whispered.

Marissa and Alex looked at each other for a long and intense moment. Then their lips met in a sweet kiss. _Something major was about to change in their lives._

_

* * *

  
_

A/N: Okay... this was the last chapter. An epilogue will be up in a few days. I hope you enjoyed the update – and forgive me for taking so long to write it. But I would have never, ever abandoned this story!! :)

Thank you for all the reviews!!

Cheers!

- Elanor


	16. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"See you later," Marissa said and kissed her wife upon the lips. Though it had been supposed to be only a quick good-bye peck, Marissa suddenly found herself caught up in a passionate making-out session. When they finally broke apart, Marissa couldn't help but to grin. If anyone was watching them, they'd think them to be a fresh couple – although in truth they had now been together for over 20 years.

Alex returned the smile, and Marissa saw her sharp canine teeth sparkle in the light – a sight she had gotten used to a long time ago.

Marissa left through the front door and as she walked over to her car, she glanced at her watch. In case the traffic wasn't all too bad, she would be on time for the meeting. If all went well, her new project should be approved of by the end of the day. Which would mean that Alex and her were going to spend the next weeks traveling through the world, again, trying out various alternative recreational facilities. Marissa would keep a journal, finally reporting out to the world, were the best and most relaxing places were.

As Marissa drove down the highway, she thought back to the kiss she had just shared with Alex, and again she smiled. Officially, Marissa was a single woman. No one knew that she was in fact married – no one could ever know. This was a fact Marissa did not approve of, but of course there was nothing she could do. Though Alex had a fake ID, this did not grant them much freedom: Even now after 20 years, Alex still looked the same as she had with 17.

It had almost become a kind of ritual by now: Every five years Alex would get a new identity, and she'd officially be 21. Thus on every 26th birthday, she'd turn 21 again.

Marissa sighed. Leading a life full of secrecy was sometimes exhausting, but she never doubted that it was worth it.

Her job as a journalist and Alex' job as a vampire hunter made them roam the world – allowing them to live together without anyone noticing that Alex wasn't aging.

Though, now in the past few years, people had stared more than ever when the two of them walked around hand in hand: the apparent age difference was getting steadily more obvious.

_What will it be like when I'm 50?,_ Marissa asked herself. _Will Alex still desire me?_

But Marissa pushed those thoughts aside. Alex loved her. That was all that mattered.

Marissa drove on, humming to a tune coming out of the radio.

Suddenly the car in front of her rushed closer, and she realized far too late that the driver in front of her had apparently hit the brakes. Slamming the brakes herself, she ripped the steering wheel to the right – but it was useless. As if in slow motion, Marissa watched the car come nearer, her eyes widening in horror.

A crash.

And then – darkness.

*

Alex watched Marissa leave their rented apartment, smiling. But as Marissa stepped into the car, Alex' smile turned into a frown. She was feeling uneasy and suddenly wished, Marissa hadn't left.

Alex shook her head. _Stop being paranoid_, she told herself. But the feeling remained and so she went into the bathroom and splashed some water into her face. She stared at her reflection in the mirror._ I look just the way I did when I first fell in love with Marissa_, she thought, smiling to herself. She had only recently dyed her hair blond again, and she remembered the loving look on Marissa's face, when she saw the purple streak that had once been so familiar.

Alex sighed. The feeling in her stomach was now so intense, she was sure she would have thrown up, if there had been anything in her stomach.

_What if I'm not paranoid?_ Alex asked herself and felt panic welling up inside her. _What if she's in danger?_

Cursing, Alex dashed out of the house, got into their second car, and raced down the road she knew Marissa had taken. Minutes felt like hours. She tried to tell herself that she was being stupid.

Then she saw flashing blue lights in front of her. Her hands cramped around the steering wheel.

Moments later she had jumped out of the car. Running, running past all the people. Running, running towards the lifeless figure which was being strapped to a stretcher. She didn't hear the police officers calling out to her.

She saw nothing but Marissa's lifeless face, her eyes staring into nothingness.

"No," she whispered. "No."

Memories flashed in her head. _"...But Alex, if you'd turn me into a vampire, we could be together forever... Come on, please, think about it..."_

Alex felt a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry," someone told her.

*

Alex was kneeling on the fresh mount of earth, surrounded by complete darkness. It was past midnight, and except for her and a few ravens, there was no one in the graveyard.

The funeral had been that morning; she had watched it from afar, her hood drawn deep into her face. Marissa's family had been there, so there had been no chance for her to really attend the funeral. _Not that it really mattered._

Alex buried her hands into the earth, just as Marissa had done at her grave so many years ago. But this time there was no return. _It was over._ Death had claimed them.

Alex indulged in memories and relived every moment of happiness she had shared with Marissa.

The church bell chimed three times. Alex looked up into the sky. Some clouds moved to reveal a tiny crescent moon. There would be no moon visible the next night. A tear trickled down Alex' cheek. _So tonight we die together_.

Alex' fingers tightened around the handle of the small knife Victoria had given her so many years ago. Alex ran a finger over the blade which was made partly of metal and partly of wood.

"_Pierce my heart... Release my soul,_" Alex whispered solemnly. "_And...__ lead me to Marissa_."

The smile full of anticipation never left Alex' face, as her hands fulfilled a quick and final movement.

As her body slumped forward, a single crimson drop trickled out of the wound, invisible to the world.

A dark figure stepped up to the grave.

"Oh, Alex," Victoria whispered. She picked up the lifeless body, the knife still deep in Alex' chest. Victoria walked only a few steps and then lowered the body into the open coffin. With a solemn look upon her face, she pulled the knife out of Alex' chest and laid it next to her body. Silently, she bid her friend goodbye, and then closed the coffin.

She gave Marc a nod, and together they lifted the casket and lowered it into the grave. Then they began shoveling earth. Finally, after replacing some flowers, the grave looked as it had hours before.

Marc and Victoria left silently. But before they turned around a corner, Victoria turned back once more.

There was Marissa's fresh grave, a wooden cross bearing her name. And right next to it, to the left, was a tombstone, which had now stood there for over 20 years. Victoria was too far away to read the words engraved into it – but she knew what they said.

_Here lies Alex Kelly. Beloved daughter, beloved friend._

And now, after two decades, those words were finally true.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all, one last time, for reviewing. I began writing this story almost exactly two years ago... Wow.

I hope you enjoyed this last bit.

Cheers!

- Elanor


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